


I Knew You When

by TheNameIsBritney



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Childhood, Childhood Friends, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2019-10-28 12:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17787485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNameIsBritney/pseuds/TheNameIsBritney
Summary: “I will not let you forget about me, Stormy.”“And I won’t let you forget about me, Princey.”When Virgil and Roman were best friends as children, Virgil was hopelessly in love with him--but Roman never noticed. Flash forward 7 years after graduation and Virgil has moved to New York to live with his brother, Remy, and bumps into an old friend. And...maybe some of his feelings hadn't been entirely resolved





	1. Chapter 1

Virgil Alexander did  _ not _ like his new school very much. It was too big and too loud and too  _ new.  _ He’d only been attending Pine Hill elementary for two days but Virgil knew what he liked and what he didn’t. And he definitely did not like Pine Hill.

 

Virgil sat by himself on the playground, watching as the other (stupid) kids chased each other around and talked to one another. Ugh. But as frustrated as he was, as Virgil picked at his sandwich, he couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous of them. 

 

He saw his twin brother Remy in the corner of the playground with a small group of first graders who seemed to idolize him, watching and following his every move. Virgil rolled his eyes. Remy had always been the more sociable one. 

 

Even at the ripe, young age of eight, Virgil knew that he wasn’t going to be very popular when he grew up. So far, his suspicions were correct. 

 

So he sat on a bench in the playground, alone once again, not eating his lunch and staring at the other kids playing and actually having fun. Counting the minutes until it was time to go home. His mom had taught him how to read big-boy clocks and he was getting  _ very  _ good at it. 

 

When the short hand hit ‘3’, that meant Virgil and Remy’s papa was gonna pick them up. The short hand was only at ‘12’ right now which made Virgil’s scowl deepen. 

 

As he looked back down into his lunch box, he saw someone approaching him out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t pay them any mind and reached into his box to pull out a grape. Some dumb fourth grader had probably just kicked their stupid ball over to his bench.

 

“Hi!”

 

Or maybe not.

 

Virgil looked up and locked eyes with a young boy, possibly around his age, smiling at him brightly. He was probably as tall as Virgil with sandy brown hair and bright brown eyes. He was missing one of his two front teeth, Virgil noticed.

 

“Um…”

 

“My name is Roman Delmont Kingsley and I’m 8-years-old!” Roman held up eight fingers in front of Virgil’s face. “I’m in Mrs. Tegan’s class. What’s your name?” 

 

Virgil felt a small smile tug at the corner of his lip. 

 

“Virgil.” He said quietly, his eyes locked on Roman as he took a seat on his bench. “I-I’m in Mrs. Tegan’s class too.”

 

Roman grinned at him like he’d gotten a new bike for christmas. 

 

“Woah, that’s so cool! I sit all the way in the front next to the book shelf! It’s so that during play time, I get to read the best books first.” Roman sent him a wink that he hoped look very grown up. “Where do you sit?”

 

“Um...I sit near the back where all the cubbies are.” Virgil said quietly. It was so when the bell rung, Virgil could be the first to grab his bag and run out to his waiting father. Roman nodded and opened his own lunch box. 

 

“Do you wanna sit with me today?” Roman asked, taking a bite of his cucumber baton casually. Virgil’s eyes widened. 

 

In all of his relatively short life, Virgil didn’t think anyone had ever asked if he wanted to sit with them. Sure, there was Dylan O’Reilly in the first grade but...the day after that, Dylan decided he wanted to sit next to Bethany Gutierrez instead of him. 

 

“Oka-”

 

“Great!” Roman cut him off excitedly, grabbing another cucumber baton and holding it out to Virgil. “I’ll trade you a cucumber for a grape!” 

 

Virgil smiled and took the cucumber, handing Roman the largest grape in his lunch box, watching as Roman grinned at him and threw it in the air, deftly catching it in his mouth like a seal at the aquarium. 

 

As Virgil sat there next to Roman, casually eating his lunch and listening to Roman talk, he thought to himself ‘maybe Pine Hill wouldn’t be so bad’. 

 

* * *

 

“...and then Tracy told me that I would be a shoo-in for the lead! Isn’t that so exciting?” Roman said, shuffling through Virgil’s deck of pokemon cards. 

 

Virgil sat on his desk, gnawing at the skin around his thumb nervously as he stared at the drawings that adorned his wall. 

 

Roman seemed to notice that his excitement was not being reciprocated and he turned his head to look at Virgil who looked about a million miles away.

 

“Virge?”

 

Virgil sniffed and looked up then, finally looking over at Roman who was staring at him from his bed. 

 

“Are you alright?” Roman asked, eyebrows knitted together in concern. Virgil paused and looked away, swallowing thickly. He shook his head quickly. 

 

“I have to tell you something and I need you to promise that...that it won’t change anything.” Virgil said quietly, wringing his hands together nervously. 

 

Roman raised his eyebrows and simply nodded, not speaking (which was odd for him). 

 

Virgil looked at Roman who looked so damn  _ open  _ and  _ kind _ in that moment and he felt the words tumble out of his mouth before he knew what he was saying. 

 

“I’m gay. I think. I think I’m gay.” 

 

Silence. 

 

Then...laughter?

 

Virgil’s head shot up to look at Roman whos head was bowed, shoulders moving up and down as he laughed quietly. He instantly felt his heart crumble and he crossed his arms defensively.

  
Roman looked up and saw his best friend receding into himself and he stood up quickly.

 

“Oh, Virgil, no! I wasn’t laughing at you, Stormy, I was just...” Roman let a few more chuckles slip out and he shook his head, taking Virgil’s hands. “Me too.”

 

“You...too?”

 

Roman grinned at him. Virgil briefly wondered how even after five years of friendship Roman’s smile had stayed exactly the same.

 

“I’m gay too. I think.” 

 

A giant weight was lifted up off of Virgil’s shoulders and tossed aside. All of his worries washed away and for once in his life he felt...free. 

 

Virgil allowed himself to smile widely, squeezing Roman’s hands gently. They stood there together for a moment before Virgil could feel his cheeks start to turn pink from the intense eye contact. 

 

“Okay, uh...good. I guess. Now...let go of me.” Virgil took his hands away and sat back down in his desk chair, looking back at Roman, his eyes sparkling with mirth. “That’s gay.”

 

Roman fell back onto his bed with a hearty laugh and Virgil’s heart skipped a beat, though he chose to ignore that.

 

* * *

 

How to tell if you have a crush...delete, delete, delete.

 

How do you tell your best friend you’re in...delete, delete, delete.

 

How to know if a guy likes...delete, delete, delete.

 

Virgil groaned in frustration as he stared at his computer screen helplessly, running his fingers frantically through his hair. This  _ sucked. _

 

At 8, Virgil got his first friend. 

 

At 12, Virgil came out ot his best friend (and in return, that best friend came out to  _ him) _ . 

 

At 15, Virgil realised he had more than platonic feelings for said best friend. Hence, the panicked googling and countless nights tossing and turning. 

 

He stared at a picture of them he kept pinned to his wall, pouting uselessly at it. It was a picture of them after one of Roman’s shows. He was dressed, rather appropriately Virgil thought, as a prince. His arm was slung around Virgil’s shoulders and Virgil’s around his waist. Roman was beaming at the camera like he was born for it. Virgil was smiling too, smaller and more subdued, but a smile nevertheless. It was one of Virgil’s most and least favourite pictures. 

 

He remembered feeling so  _ proud _ of Roman then. It was his first big lead role and he’d done absolutely amazing. His entire family had went with him to see it and cheered Roman on as if he were one of their own. 

 

But then again, that was the night it happened. The night Virgil realised he was in love with his best friend.

 

Sat in a cramped high school auditorium with his brother on one side of him and his mother and father on the other, watching his best friend belt out riffs and runs and dance like it was nobody’s business. His mother had grabbed his hand and smiled, leaning toward him.

 

“He’s fantastic, isn’t he?” She’d whispered. Virgil didn’t reply, completely transfixed with this person onstage he’d spent nearly everyday of his life with since they were 8-years-old. 

 

A person he was beginning to see...a lot differently. 

 

After the show had ended, Virgil and his family loitered in the auditorium, waiting for Roman to come out, when out of nowhere, Virgil felt a heavy weight jumping onto his back. 

 

“Virgil!” Roman had exclaimed, wrapping his arms fully around Virgil’s neck from behind and grinning ecstatically. His parents watched, fond, knowing smiles on their faces. 

 

Virgil had turned to Roman once he’d climbed off of his back and looked at him. He was covered in sweat and his hair was beginning to curl, releasing itself from the hairspray and gel Roman had slathered in it. His eyes were twinkling and his cheeks were flushed. He’d never looked more beautiful.

 

From that moment on, Virgil knew...he was fucked. 

 

Virgil looked away from the picture and closed his laptop screen with a huff, walking towards his bed and lying down, hiding his face in his pillow.

 

What was he going to  _ do?! _

 

He heard his phone buzz on his bedside table and he groaned once again, rolling over to the other side of his bed and grabbing it. He couldn’t help the dopey smile that crawled it’s way onto his face when he saw a text from Roman.

 

**_Princey K, 2:57pm:_ **

_ VIRGIL _

 

**_Princey K, 2:57pm:_ **

_ VIRGIL I HAVE NEWS CAN I COME OVER _

 

**_Princey K, 3:00pm:_ **

_ Are you ignoring me _

 

**_Princey K, 3:00pm:_ **

_ Are you mad at me???  _

 

Virgil huffed out a quiet chuckle at the quick escalation in Roman’s logic and he sighed, unlocking his phone and texting him back.

 

**Me, 3:01pm:**

_ soz i was taking a nap _

 

**Me, 3:01pm:**

_ whats up _

 

**_Princey K, 3:01pm:_ **

_ Well I think I can forgive you. If you had read my messages, you will see… _

 

**_Me, 3:01pm:_ **

_ you have news? _

 

**_Princey K, 3:01pm:_ **

_ I HAVE NEWS  _

 

**_Princey K, 3:01pm:_ **

_ Well, fuck, you beat me to it.   _

 

**_Princey K, 3:01pm:_ **

_ So??? Can I come over??? (Pls say yes my ma just made cookies and I’ll bring you some) _

 

**_Me, 3:02pm:_ **

_ lol fine u can come over  _

 

**_Me, 3:02pm:_ **

_ only if u bring cookies tho  _

 

**_Me, 3:02pm:_ **

_ not cause i like u or anything nerd _

 

**_Princey K, 3:02pm:_ **

_ Oh, please, you love me ;) I’ll be over soon!!!  _

 

Virgil sighed as he read Roman’s last text over and over. If only he knew how true that sentence really was. 

 

* * *

 

Not 15 minutes later, Virgil’s hot chocolate-making was interrupted by a rapid series of knocks on his front door. He smiled to himself and left the steaming pot of milk at the stove momentarily to open the door for Roman who was standing on the other side, bouncing anxiously. 

 

“Virgil! Thank God, I was waiting  _ forever!”  _ Roman gave Virgil a quick but tight hug and walked inside, toeing his shoes off and making himself comfortable on Virgil’s couch. “Where are your parents?”

 

Virgil watched and shook his head, rolling his eyes fondly. 

 

“Make yourself at home, Princey.” Virgil said with a laugh, walking back to the kitchen and pouring the hot milk into two mugs. “They’re at lunch with my grandparents.” 

 

He walked into the living room with the two piping hot mugs of hot chocolate and set Roman’s favourite mug (a red mug covered with stars) in front of him carefully. Roman smiled thankfully and took the mug, blowing gently to cool it down. 

 

Virgil watched as he did so, one eyebrow raised expectantly. Roman paid him no mind, preferring to watch the liquid swirl around in his cup. 

 

“Roman.”

 

“Yes?” 

 

“Your news?”

 

“Oh, yes!” 

 

Roman grinned and set his mug down gingerly on the coffee table. He watched as Virgil did the same and turned towards his best friend, gently taking his hands. Virgil blushed at the contact but didn’t pull away.

 

“I have something very,  _ very _ important to tell you!” Roman said, grinning at Virgil in a way that made his heart melt. 

 

Virgil nodded slowly, swallowing thickly as Roman stared at him with such ferocious intensity. What could it possibly be? 

 

“Now, as soon as it happened, I wanted you to be the first person I told since you  _ are  _ my best friend and all…” At that, Roman looked slightly bashful, his cheeks tinged pink. Virgil raised his eyebrows and his mouth fell opens lightly. Could he be…? Surely not. Virgil didn’t even want to let himself entertain the thought. 

 

“...What is it, Ro?” Virgil asked quietly. His throat felt dry all of a sudden and he didn’t know why (of course, he  _ did  _ know why, it was just hard to admit to himself in this very moment).

 

“I…”

 

“...Yeah?”

 

“I have a boyfriend!” 

 

Oh.

 

Did you hear that? 

 

It was the very sound of Virgil’s heart plummeting and cracking on the hardwood floors. 

 

* * *

 

Overtime Virgil got used to Roman and  _ Joshua _ , Roman’s perfect boyfriend. He was nice, he was smart, and he was...a jock.

 

Virgil tried to hide his scowls and grimaces whenever Joshua would sit with Roman and Virgil at  _ their  _ lunch table. Whenever Joshua would lock eyes with Roman in that sickly sweet way he liked to do. He tried to push down his own feelings for Roman and just be  _ happy _ for him. But every night as he lay in bed, he thought of  _ Joshua _ and Roman together and couldn’t help but feel the dark feelings crawling back up his chest. 

 

It was a few months before their graduation when things changed. 

 

Roman, Virgil, and  _ Joshua  _ were all hanging out in the courtyard together, lying on the grass. Virgil was sitting next to Roman, close enough so that their shoulders were touching. Before  _ Joshua _ that would’ve been enough. But now, Virgil saw  _ Joshua’s _ head lying so casually in Roman’s lap and he couldn’t help but turn away, feeling sick.

 

Their somewhat peaceful existences were interrupted when Roman startled, his eyes locked on his phone. 

 

“ _ Oh, my God! _ ” Roman exclaimed. Virgil turned to look at his best friend and watched as Josh lifted his head off of Roman’s lap, confused. 

 

“What is it, babe?” 

 

Virgil fought back a scowl.  _ Babe _ . How unoriginal.  

 

“I-I got in!” At Virgil and Josh’s confused looks, Roman stood up, twirling around to face them both. “I got into Tisch! In New York!” 

 

Virgil’s eyes widened and he smiled half heartedly, watching as Roman did a joyful dance. 

 

“Aw, I told you you’d get it, Roman!” Josh said delightedly, standing up and pulling Roman into a hug, pressing a kiss to his lips. Virgil watched, his stomach churning uncomfortably. 

 

Roman rested a hand on his boyfriend’s cheek briefly before taking his place back next to Virgil.

 

“This is perfect! We’ll all be going to NYU next year! Oh, my God, I’m so excited! We can get our own little place and decorate it and it’ll be like a sleepover every night!” Roman linked arms with Virgil and Joshua, leaning his head on Virgil’s shoulder. From his angle, he didn’t see the frown that action elicited from  _ Joshua _ . 

 

Virgil almost wanted to stick his tongue out in a childish display but kept his cool. 

 

“Actually, Ro…” Virgil mumbled guiltily, his head down. 

 

Roman lifted his head and looked at Virgil who didn’t look back at him. 

 

“What?” 

 

Even Josh was interested now. 

 

“I...I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while but I couldn’t...I didn’t know how.” Virgil said quietly, tearing out a few pieces of grass from the ground and watching as a light breeze swept them away. 

 

Roman furrowed his eyebrows together in concern.

 

“What’s wrong? What have you been meaning to tell me?”

 

Virgil sighed and turned to finally look at Roman. The expression on his face was enough to break Virgil’s heart there and then (again).

 

“I talked to my parents and...we decided that...I’m gonna take a year off before college.” Virgil admitted finally. The silence that followed was suffocating. Virgil looked up at Roman and let out a quiet whine at how  _ sad _ his best friend looked. 

 

“I-it’s just...with my anxiety and...M-my folks and I thought...I’d stay here and get a job for a year. Take a break from school.” Virgil’s voice fell to a quiet whisper as he looked at Roman who, bless him, tried his best to look encouraging.

 

“Well, um...that certainly is a...surprise!” Roman said quietly, forcing a smile onto his face. “I-I just wish you’d told me earlier, Virgil, I didn’t know your anxiety had gotten so...bad as of late. You don’t talk about it much anymore.”

 

_ Yeah, because whenever we hang out, you bring your stupid boyfriend. _

 

Of course, Virgil didn’t say that. 

What he said was…

 

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was trying to and then...it got too late.” Virgil said quietly. He felt a soft hand holding his own and he looked up, seeing Roman smiling at him sadly. 

 

They sat there quietly for a second and in that moment, it felt like nobody else in the world existed but the two of them. 

 

And then  _ Joshua  _ had to go and ruin it.

 

“That sucks, Virgil, I’m sorry.” Though his eyes showed the exact opposite of that emotion. “But, hey, at least we’ll be together, Ro.” 

 

Roman whipped his head around to look at his boyfriend and he blinked, as if just remembering that he was there. He managed a smile and nodded before turning back to Virgil.

 

“Y-yeah, um...and there’s Facebook and Snapchat and Instagram...I will  _ not _ let you forget about me, Stormy.” Roman said affectionately, a cheeky smile playing at his lips. Instantly Virgil was transported back to that day on the playground ten years ago.

 

Virgil smiled too, genuinely this time.

 

“And I won’t let you forget about me, Princey.” Virgil said quietly back, raising an eyebrow. Roman grinned and surged forward, tackling Virgil in a hug and sighing. 

 

They would be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

One year soon turned into two. Which turned into three, then four, then five, then Virgil had a full time job at ‘Ink About It Tattoos’ and leaving for New York just...wasn’t in the cards anymore. 

 

He and Roman had tried to stay in touch but...maintaining friendships in the digital world was a lot harder than others made it look. At first they’d tried to text everyday. Then everyday turned into every other day and so on and so forth until the messages went from a flood to a trickle. 

 

Every so often an eccentric customer would walk into the tattoo parlor, asking for something so  _ incredibly  _ Roman that Virgil wanted to picked up his phone and text him about it. 

 

But he didn’t. Because...well, he didn’t know if he was allowed to. Roman had probably made a bunch of new friends (as indicated by the plethora of pictures on his Instagram) and was still seeing... _ Joshua _ . He probably didn’t have time for Virgil anymore. Were they still even best friends? Had he managed to forget ten years of friendship so quickly?

 

So Virgil didn’t text him. He didn’t tell him about the burly biker who came in and asked for a Prince Naveen tattoo on his calf. He didn’t tell him about every single time he’d go to the coffee shop they used to frequent daily (It was especially hard when their usual barista just stopped asking Virgil about Roman, as if she knew). He didn’t tell him about when he got his first tattoo or his second, when he got drunk for the first time, when he got his first boyfriend (that lasted about three months). 

 

Overtime it became easier to forget about that completely and just  _ live. _

 

Until his brother Remy texted him from his apartment in New York and begged him to visit. 

 

A visit turned into a much  _ longer _ visit and...well, I think you can see where this is going.

 

* * *

 

“Are you ready for your flight?” Dinah asked, her voice shaking slightly and tears in her eyes as she stared at her son. 

 

Virgil smiled sadly and nodded, reaching up to wipe his mother’s face with his hoodie sleeve gently. 

 

“Yeah. I have my passport and travel stuff in a little bag like you taught me.” Virgil said quietly. He turned to his father who looked on the verge of tears as well and he bit his lip, shaking his head. “Dad…”

 

Robert shook his head and instead pulled Virgil in for a hug, resting his chin on the top of his son’s head. 

 

“Don’t forget to call when you land, okay? The minute you see Remy, I want you to call us, text us, snapface us…” 

 

“Snapchat, pops.” Virgil corrected with a watery chuckle. He buried his face in his dad’s shirt, inhaling the familiar and comforting scent of lumber and mint. He pulled away finally and wiped his face. 

 

As soon as he let go of his father, his mother latched onto him, her arms wrapped tight around his middle. Virgil smiled despite the growing ball of anxiety threatening to burst out of his chest and wrapped his arms around his mother, nuzzling her hair. 

 

“Love you guys.” He murmured quietly, his face heating up at the mere sentimentality of it all. 

 

Dinah pulled away and instead wrapped and arm around Robert’s waist, resting her head on his chest. 

 

“We love you too,  _ mon coeur. _ ” Dinah said quietly, wiping her face once again. “Now go before I hold you and never let go.” 

 

Virgil smiled and wiped his face quickly, nodding. He held onto his backpack straps, as if they were the only things grounding him, and turned around, entering the security gates. As he passed the security guard, he turned around and gave his parents one final wave. 

 

He tried to steel his nerves and turned back around, looking at his boarding pass and trying to work out how to get to his gate. 

 

Virgil was not a fan of planes or flying...or flying alone. So you can imagine the  _ fun _ that he was experiencing right now. 

 

He pulled out his phone and texted the only person he could think to text. 

 

Remy.

 

**Me, 9:00am:**

_ loooool i’m getting on a plane to see ur stupid ass in like 45 mins help  _

 

**_Brother., 9:00am:_ **

_ well that’s just rude. Maybe i wont pick u up u can cab to my place like a commoner  _

 

**_Me, 9:00am:_ **

_ pls god no im sorry i take it back  _

 

**_Me, 9:00am:_ **

_ im scared _

 

**_Me, 9:00am:_ **

_ if u tell anyone i said that i’ll kill u _

 

Before Virgil could send another threatening text, he got a notification telling him his brother was calling. He let out a quiet breath of relief and clicked answer, putting his headphones on and mustering up an awkward smile. 

 

“This better be good, Verge, I’m up before  _ noon _ for you.” Remy drawled sleepily, rubbing his eyes and taking a large sip from an equally large iced coffee. Virgil huffed out a short breath of laughter. 

 

“Good, you sleep too much. How do you have a job?”

 

“Rude. I work nights, dumbass. Being a bartender is harder than you’d think.” Remy retorted easily, a smile playing on his lips. Virgil smiled back. 

 

Like Roman, Remy had moved to New York - not for college, just to get out. He said that Florida was too small for him, too hot and humid. He wanted to be a part of something bigger, that’s what he’d told Virgil. 

 

And as soon as he’d moved, he’d gotten an apartment, a job at a bar, and a whole slew of new friends. 

 

“So?” Remy asked, and Virgil watched as he walked through his apartment and took a seat on his couch. “What are you nervous about?” 

 

Virgil bit his lip and looked around him at the plethora of duty-free shops and people milling about waiting for flights (or nervously running to catch them).

 

“I don’t know.” He said quietly, “I’ve never lived anywhere but home. I don’t know if I’ll be able to...make it.” 

 

Remy raised his eyebrows.

 

“You’re a 25 year old tattoo artist with 10,000 followers on Instagram and a penchant for gloominess. I think you were made for New York.” Remy said, though his words held no real heat or bite to them. “And besides, you’ll be here with me. And you know I’ll be there to catch you.” 

 

Virgil smiled at Remy and sighed, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. 

 

“Thanks, Rem.” He muttered, sighing. “I think I feel...better. I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

 

“See ya’. Peace.” Remy threw up a peace sign before hanging up. 

 

Virgil smiled at his phone for a minute longer before playing his ‘soothing’ playlist. He bought himself a coffee before walking to his gate, sinking down into the uncomfortable airport chairs as he waited for his flight to begin boarding. 

 

* * *

 

Somewhere between 3 and what felt like a hundred hours later, Virgil was stumbling out of airport security and into JFK International Airport, dragging his luggage behind him. The flight had been...turbulence-tastic which did nothing to quell the fear in Virgil’s heart. 

 

After a 2 and a half hour flight and an hour of going through security, all Virgil wanted to do was find his brother and sleep until he was 60. He walked out into the terminal and looked around, trying to spot a familiar face. 

 

_ Where would Remy be? Where would...Starbucks.  _

 

Virgil smirked to himself and looked around, spotting a Starbucks not too far from him. Sitting at a table with two other young men, was his twin brother. He chuckled at his predictability and walked over. 

 

He got close enough for Remy to spot him and he waved, grinning when his brother stood up and walked over, engulfing him in a hug. 

 

“Missed you.” Remy said quietly before pulling away quickly. “Now get off me, you’ll ruin my reputation.”

 

Virgil rolled his eyes. 

 

“Your reputation as what? A man who still sleeps with a teddy bear or That Guy who doesn’t take his sunglasses off indoors?” Virgil retorted with a playful shove to Remy’s chest. From behind Remy, he heard a chuckle and a quiet gasp. 

 

He looked behind his brother and found the two bespectacled men that his brother had been sitting with. Virgil cleared his throat and waved awkwardly. 

 

“Hi.”

 

One of them, wearing a tie, stood up and smiled politely, holding out his hand for Virgil.

 

“Virgil, it’s nice to see you again. I’m Remy’s roommate, we met on your last visit to New York.” 

 

Virgil nodded vaguely.

 

“Right...uh...Lincoln?” 

 

“Logan.” Remy’s roommate corrected, an eyebrow raised. They shook hands briefly and Virgil smiled. There was something about this guy. Virgil could tell they would probably be fast friends. 

 

Next to Logan was another man wearing glasses and a light blue t-shirt. The grin on his face was nothing short of blinding.

 

“It’s so nice to meet you, Virgil!” The man said taking Virgil’s hand and shaking it vigorously. “I’m Remy’s other roommate, Patton! We haven’t met yet, I just moved in a couple of months ago!” 

 

Virgil decided that he liked Patton. He reminded him of his own father. Tall, warm, and welcoming. As he looked between Patton, Logan, and Remy, Virgil let out a quiet breath. All of his fears had lessened from a rolling boil to a slow simmer. 

 

He could definitely do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE HAVE THE FIRST PIECE OF ART FOR THIS FIC UPLOADED FRIENDS! It was drawn by my lovely friend Al whom I LOVE!! Please go appreciate her hard work as much as I do <3 Her url is skittlesun on tumblr! 
> 
> Thanks for reading the chapter guys! Comments and kudos are much appreciated as always and if you wanna follow me on tumblr, my URL is @romanticsanders <3 
> 
> \- Brit xx


	3. Chapter 3

A phone call with his parents and one short drive later, Virgil felt that he’d gotten more than acquainted with Patton who latched himself onto him as soon as they’d entered the car. But Virgil found that he didn’t mind all that much, enjoying the company of a new friend.

They entered Remy’s apartment and Virgil looked around, smiling at the pictures Remy had framed or some of  _ his _ artwork that Remy had hung up on the walls. 

 

“I always knew you were a secret sentimental.” Virgil snarked, picking up a picture of him, Remy, and their parents from when they were 5-years-old. Remy blushed and hit him with a throw pillow, being careful not to knock the picture frame. 

 

Remy showed Virgil to an empty room and smiled, showcasing it as if it were a penthouse in the finest building in the city.

 

“And this is your room. It’s pretty much yours to decorate and do with what you will.” Remy commented as Virgil walked around the room, eyeing all of the blank wall space. “All I ask is that if you bring anyone back for sex, warn us first, okay? We’ll add you to the group chat.”

 

At the mention of sex, Virgil turned bright red and sputtered, unable to form  _ actual  _ words. Remy watched, smirking, and shook his head. 

 

“Mm, yeah, whatever. I’ll let you get settled in, okay?” Remy left Virgil’s room and closed the door behind him, leaving Virgil alone with his thoughts. He looked around the room once more. 

 

It was pretty bare bones. A bed with a mattress, a standard wardrobe, a desk, and a window. What made Virgil smile to himself was the window seat. He could already imagine himself sitting there, staring out at the pedestrians of New York as they rushed from place to place, drawing and listening to music. 

 

He opened his suitcase and began to unpack, dumping his clothes onto the bed in an unorganised lump-ish fashion. He reached a bunch of carefully bubble wrapped photo frames and carefully kept photos and posters for his wall. He unwrapped each of them gently and placed them on the bed as well. 

 

It was only when he got to a certain one that he stopped. 

 

Hidden behind a layer of tissue paper and bubble wrap was Roman’s grinning face secured in a gaudy plastic frame that Virgil wouldn’t have switched out for the finest gold or silver. He felt his hands begin to shake and itch with anticipation. He took it out of his suitcase and unwrapped it slowly, smiling at the picture it revealed. 

 

The picture of the two of them from Roman’s first ever musical. Virgil sighed quietly and stroked the glass slowly, hugging the picture to his chest and looking around his empty room. 

 

He’d did it. He’d moved to New York, just like he promised Roman he would 7 years ago. But would Roman even be interested in meeting up? Would his number be the same? Of course, Virgil knew  _ logically _ it would be rather easy to get a hold of him. He still had Roman on Facebook and Instagram. It would be so,  _ so  _ easy to just…

 

Virgil inhaled sharply and let his arms fall into his lap, shaking his head. No. He couldn’t just message Roman out of the blue, surely Roman had forgotten all about him in their 7 years apart. 

 

But still he couldn’t help the flame that tickled the inside of his chest everytime he thought about Roman’s smile, his dimples, his eyes, his...we’re getting a bit sidetracked here. 

 

Virgil sighed and stood up, placing the picture on one of his bedside tables, smiling. It was nice to remember but...something’s just weren’t made to last, he supposed.

 

* * *

 

Virgil had been leaving in New York for two weeks before he finally decided to get up off of his ass and apply for a job. He’d researched tattoo parlors in the city prior to moving and had found one he was dying to work at. Marble Tattoos. The shop looked clean and well decorated, not dingy and cluttered like so many other places he’d looked at. 

 

It had taken over an hour to muster up the courage to call the shop but he managed eventually  _ somehow _ and even booked himself an interview. 

 

So, a few days later, Virgil found himself putting on a crisp black button down and a black beanie and making the short trip to Marble.

 

He found the shop easily and stood outside for a moment, eyeing the front door, he ran his hands up and down his forearms and swallowed thickly. Virgil had never been particularly good at interviews. He could feel his anxiety and anticipation grow steadily, threatening to spread throughout his body, but he pushed open the door anyway. 

 

“Hi, I’m here for the interview? I-I called a few days ago.” Virgil said quietly to a young girl sitting at a cash register. Her arms were littered with tattoos of different styles and her hair was dyed a gentle shade of lilac, contrasting her dark clothing and makeup. 

 

She smiled at him pleasantly and looked down at a clipboard, tapping her neon green nails on the counter as she did. 

 

“Are you...Virgil?” She asked, blinking up at him. At his nervous nod, the girl smiled at him once more and stood up. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Lisa, the manager.”

 

Virgil’s eyebrows shot up and he smiled back, though it felt more like a grimace. He  _ sucked _ at interviews. 

 

“Nice to meet you, Lisa. I’m Virgil. Although...you know that, since you just said my name.” Virgil laughed humourlessly, needing more to fill the silence than anything else. “I-I brought my portfolio with me if you’re interested in-”

 

“With all due respect, I’d like to get into that later.” Lisa said kindly, “If you don’t mind me asking, would you mind if I looked at your tattoos first?” 

 

Virgil stared at her, eyes wide. No one had ever asked to actually  _ see  _ his tattoos, not even at Ink About It back home. He nodded nervously and paused for a minute, wondering which to show her first. 

 

He went in order of oldest to youngest. The first tattoo he’d ever gotten he’d gotten with Remy. It was lineart of a bushel of lilacs on his calf. The next had been a guitar on the back of his neck. Then a tattoo of a crown on the inside of his arm, right above his elbow. That one, Virgil smiled at but there was something sad about the smile, Lisa couldn’t help but notice.

 

Virgil soon finished showing her all of his tattoos and she smiled, making a note about him in her clipboard. 

 

“Well, Virgil, you worked as an artist in Florida for over 5 years, that’s pretty impressive.” Lisa said, scanning Virgil’s resume. “Why did you decide to move to the city?”

 

Hundreds of reasons flew through Virgil’s mind but he focused on one, smiling calmly. 

 

“I...I think I have some unfinished business here.” He said quietly, saying nothing more. 

 

Lisa looked at him thoughtfully, nibbling on the tip of her pen. There was something about this kid that she liked. He fit in perfectly. 

 

She grinned at him and held out her hand, standing up. “Well, Virgil, I think I’ve heard enough. I’d love to hire you.”

 

Virgil’s eyes widened and he stared at the hand Lisa was offering him. 

 

“I-I...Oh, my God, thanks! Thank you so much, this is awesome!” Virgil said, taking Lisa’s hand and shaking it firmly. “I will  _ not _ let you down, i swear!”

 

Lisa laughed quietly and nodded, squeezing Virgil’s hand. 

 

“I have a feeling you won’t.”

 

* * *

 

As soon as Virgil walked out of Marble Tattoos he let himself grin unabashedly and walked towards a small coffee shop he’d spotted earlier, figuring he could treat himself.

 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and began dialing Remy’s number as he joined the line of people by the counter, standing behind a tall man wearing a black coat. 

 

He pressed his phone to his ear and waited patiently as it rang, his eyes scanning the menu silently. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“I got the job!” Virgil said, a proud smirk on his face. “The interview went way,  _ way _ better than I expected.”

 

“I was right!” Virgil heard Logan shout over the phone from somewhere in the apartment. He let out a laugh and rolled his eyes. 

 

“That’s great, Virge, I’m happy for you.” Remy replied with a smile, throwing a pillow at Logan and telling him to go back to his room. “Are you home for dinner? I’ll cook.”

 

As Virgil opened his mouth to reply, his throat went dry when the man in front of him turned around.

 

Staring back at him was a pair of familiar brown eyes and perfectly coiffed hair.

 

Roman. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHHH who saw that coming?? i certainly didn't
> 
> a little bit of a shorter chapter but i hope you guys liked it anyway! thanks for all the kind comments and kudos i've been receiving so far y'all keep me going <3 
> 
> comments and kudos are much appreciated! if you wanna follow me or the fic on tumblr my url is @romanticsanders and if you wanna see the accompanying art for this fic, check out @skittlesun bc al is SUPER TALENTED and i love her loads
> 
> \- Brit xx


	4. Chapter 4

Virgil stared at Roman, eyes wide and mouth agape. He could hear Remy on the other side of the phone prattling on and on about dinner plans and cooking but he paid him no mind.

 

“Rem, I’ll call you back.” Virgil said quietly, hanging up the phone and stuffing it in his pocket.

 

“Oh, my God…” Roman whispered, his eyes travelling up and down Virgil’s face. As soon as he’d registered what was actually happening, he grinned and pulled Virgil into a tight hug.

 

Virgil startled as he felt himself get swept into Roman’s arms in the middle of a crowded coffee shop, his arms tentatively coming up to wrap around Roman’s middle. He inhaled shakily and bit his lip. He smelled different, not like the Roman Virgil was used to, but it was comforting all the same. 

 

“What are you doing here?! I...Why didn’t you tell me you were in New York?” Roman asked, pulling away from Virgil but keeping his hands on Virgil’s shoulders, squeezing gently. 

 

Virgil opened his mouth to reply but an angry looking business man behind him un-subtly cleared his throat. Roman turned around and saw it was his turn to order and pulled Virgil up to the counter with him.

 

“Hi! Can I get one large black coffee for me and...Virgil, what would you like?” 

 

Virgil was still reeling from seeing Roman again, looking between his former best friend and the menu in front of him.

 

“Um...iced vanilla latte please.” 

 

“And make it a large.” Roman said, smiling charmingly at the barista and pulling out a $10 bill. Virgil watched him and seemingly came back to life, reaching for his wallet. Roman saw him and scoffed, shaking his head. “As if I’m going to let you pay for your own drink, put that away.” 

 

Virgil flushed and slipped his wallet into his back pocket once more, mumbling a quiet ‘thanks’ and walking towards the end of the counter with Roman. 

 

Silence hung in the air for a moment as they waited for their drinks. Virgil nibbled on his lip. He was used to silence between them but...there was something different about it this time. It felt charged somehow. 

 

“So...you never answered my question.” Roman said gently, nudging Virgil with his shoulder. Virgil looked up at Roman’s smiling face. God, how had he managed to get  _ more  _ handsome? “What are you doing here?”

 

“Oh. Oh! I um...I sort of moved here. Two weeks ago.” Virgil said, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully. “I’m living with Remy and a couple of his friends.” 

 

Roman gasped and grabbed hold of Virgil’s (surprisingly firm) bicep excitedly.

 

“Virgil, this is amazing!” 

 

The barista placed their drinks on the counter and Roman took them, leading Virgil to a table and sitting down, gesturing for Virgil to do the same. Virgil followed (as if he could resist Roman even after all these years).

 

“Wow…” Roman breathed quietly, taking a slow sip of his coffee as his eyes scanned Virgil slowly. Virgil blushed and played with one of the buttons on his shirt. “You look...different.” 

 

Virgil raised an eyebrow. 

 

“Different?”

 

“Good! Good different!” Roman reassured quickly, smiling. “You’ve changed. The tattoos and the...hair. You look great.” 

 

Virgil blushed and shrugged, a smile threatening to creep it’s way onto his face. He looked at Roman and paused, watching as he took the lid off of his coffee cup and poured a packet of sugar in. On first glance he’d looked the same, but now Virgil could see how much he’d changed.

 

His youthful smile and playful eyes were still there, but there was something different about him. The confidence that he’d had in High School had only grown and flourished here, in a city where Roman was surrounded by people just like him. Virgil noticed that his hair was shorter and more carefully styled now too. He found himself missing Roman’s carefree curls but also wanting to run his hands through his current thick, light brown pompadour. 

 

“So do you.” Virgil sipped his drink in lieu of words and tried to slow down his racing heart beat. It was ridiculous how even after seven years apart, Roman still managed to make his heart race at 30 miles a minute. 

 

Roman smiled and shrugged, shaking his head. 

 

“Thank you! I guess...the city has been rather good for me.” Roman said with a shrug, resting his chin on his palm as he looked at Virgil. He played with the paper straw cover that Virgil had left on the table and looked away, biting his lip. “I...I’ve missed you.” 

 

At Roman’s admission, Virgil looked up, eyes wide with surprise. His heart  _ melted. _

 

“I’ve missed you too.” Virgil mumbled. His hands were itching to reach out and hold Roman’s, just like they used to when they were kids, but he couldn’t. “It’s been…”

 

“7 years and 9 months. I know.” Roman looked at Virgil and wrinkled his nose bashfully. “Funny how life gets in the way, hm?” 

 

“Yeah…”

 

They sat in silence together after that, sipping their drinks and just enjoying each other’s company. Sneaking looks at one another every so often, pretending not to notice when they caught the other doing the same. 

 

“Well...you’re here now!” Roman exclaimed, placing a hand on Virgil’s (and Virgil ignored how his heart skipped a beat). “We must catch up! Unfortunately I have to be at the theatre in 10 so I have to run but I’ll give you my number!” 

 

Before Virgil could reply, Roman was scrawling his number on the back of a receipt and handing it to Virgil who watched silently, mouth agape. 

 

Roman smiled at Virgil and squeezed his hand, leaning forward until they were inches apart. 

 

“I told you I wouldn’t let you forget about me.” Roman whispered, winking at Virgil who turned bright red. And then as soon as he’d been there, he was gone, leaving Virgil alone with a half-empty coffee and a receipt with Roman’s number written on it messily.

 

* * *

 

Roman walked out of the coffee shop, his heart beating faster in his chest. He chalked it up to excitement and adrenaline. He’d just seen his best friend for the first time after seven years apart! It had to be post-reuniting jitters. 

 

Or atleast, that’s what he told himself. 

 

As he walked to the theatre, his mind was swimming with thoughts and questions. 

 

Why had he moved here?

 

Why now? 

 

Why not six years ago when he said he would?

 

Did he move here to be with someone? 

 

That last question gave Roman momentary pause. It had been a long time since they’d talked. Gone were the best friends, conjoined at the hip. Replaced with two people who in reality didn’t really know one another at all and yet somehow knew everything about each other. 

 

Was Virgil seeing someone? 

 

Why did the possibility of that make Roman’s stomach churn uncomfortably? 

 

He frowned and glanced at his coffee cup, swilling the dark, warm liquid around before throwing the whole thing away. It must have been the caffeine that was making him feel sick to his stomach. Not anything else, surely. 

 

He was pulled out of his reverie by two vibrations coming from his pocket. Roman jolted and reached into his pocket, thinking perhaps Virgil had texted him already.

 

**_Josh <3, 9:18am:_ **

_ I’ll come by later on to pick up my stuff.  _

 

**_Josh <3, 9:18am:_ **

_ What time will you be in? _

 

Roman let out a disappointed breath which he immediately felt guilty about. He wasn’t disappointed to see a text from his...well, he wasn’t exactly sure what they were now. He’d just been surprised, that’s all.

 

**_Me, 9:18am:_ **

_ Can we please talk this through? You don’t need to move out.  _

 

**_Me, 9:18am:_ **

_ I love you. _

 

The words he was typing felt wrong on his fingers but he sent them anyway. Roman scrolled up, looking at their previous messages and sighed, nibbling on his lip. Stilted. Cold. 

 

As Roman approached the stage door to the theatre, he turned his phone off, not wanting to think about such melancholy things when he had harmonies and lines and choreography to think about. His petulant boyfriend could wait. 

 

He stepped into the theatre and smiled at the security guard taking a smoke break outside.

 

“Damien, nice to see you’re taking care of yourself as per usual.” Roman said with a smirk, crossing his arms. “Don’t you know you’re supposed to be 8 meters away from the entrance if you’re going to be doing that?”

 

Damien rolled his eyes but there was no heat in his gaze.

 

“Sorry, Kingsley, I wasn’t aware that you moonlighted as the manager of the building when you’re not busy singing and dancing on stage.” Damien retorted dryly, one eyebrow raised. 

 

They stared at each other for a moment before breaking into a fit of giggles, with Roman shoving Damien gently and shaking his head. 

 

“How’re you doing?” Damien asked, eyeing Roman’s dark circles. “How’re things with-”

 

“Things are fine. They’re...fine.” Roman said firmly, avoiding eye contact. 

 

Damien sighed and dropped his cigarette to the ground, stomping it out with the toe of his boot gently. 

 

“You know you don’t have to stay with him if you’re not happy. You’re not married or anything.” 

 

Roman looked up and glared at his friend. 

 

“It’s not your business, Dami, délajo en paz.” Roman muttered. Though his words were tinted with more sadness than anger.  **_(Translation: Leave it alone.)_ **

 

Damien sighed. 

 

“Okay, okay. Just...if you need a break from it, you can always talk to me.” Damien said softly, patting his shoulder. 

 

Despite his battling emotions, Roman looked up and smiled thankfully before walking into the theatre and heading to his dressing room to get ready for rehearsal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plot is gettin real thicc you guys i hope you’re enjoying it !!! also pls go follow my artist @skittlesun i love her and her work so much you guys UGH
> 
> comments and kudos are much appreciated as always! Thanks for all the love y'all are giving this story <3 if you wanna follow me and the updates on tumblr my URL is @romanticsanders!
> 
> \- Brit xx


	5. Chapter 5

After their encounter, Virgil walked himself home in a daze, Roman’s phone number firmly clenched in his fist. He was holding onto it so tight that his knuckles turned white, almost afraid that loosening his grip would make the receipt fly away. 

 

He didn’t know whether to jump for joy or hide in his room until the sun went away.

 

As Virgil entered the apartment, he came face to face with Logan and Patton who were sat on the couch watching a movie. They both looked up and acknowledged Virgil as he walked in, not noticing the trance-like look on his face.

 

“Hey, Virgil!” Patton said happily, “Remy told us you got the job! Congratulations!”

 

“Yes, we’re all very proud of you.” Logan said, pushing his glasses up his nose and smiling. 

 

Virgil failed to pay them any mind and just stood at the doorway, looking down at the piece of paper in his hand.

 

_ Princey  _

_ 555-0168 _

 

Virgil smiled at the use of his old nickname for his best friend and he felt his cheeks begin to warm. He finally looked up and saw Patton and Logan staring at him inquisitively. The blush on his cheeks brightened and he shoved the note into his pocket.

 

“What? Oh! Um...thanks, guys.” Virgil said with a shy smile, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s pretty exciting.”

 

Patton and Logan looked at each other before looking at Virgil. Patton eyed the pocket Virgil had stuffed the note into and smirked.

 

“Whatcha got there?” He asked innocently, batting his eyelashes. Virgil looked down and then back up, eyes wide.

 

“No-nothing! It’s not important. Just...it’s nothing.” Virgil sputtered, looking away and focusing on a the movie playing on the TV. 

 

“Well, Patton, do you think it’s nothing? Because I think quite the contrary.” Logan stated, his eyebrows raised in amusement. Patton giggled beside him (which caused Logan’s smile to grow, though he would deny it if you ever asked).

 

“I think it’s something!” Patton replied excitedly, bouncing excitedly. “What happened, Virgil? Did you meet someone?” 

 

Virgil bit his lip. 

 

“Yes. Well...kind of?” 

 

“Kind of? How do you ‘kind of’ meet somebody?” Logan asked, grabbing the remote and pausing the movie before turning his body to face Virgil. 

 

Virgil sighed and walked over, taking a seat on the armchair. 

 

“I...I bumped into an old friend from when I was a kid.” Virgil said quietly, fiddling with his sleeves. “We were best friends for like ten years and then he moved here and I stayed in Florida.”

 

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” Patton cooed, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to his chest. His eyes scanned Virgil’s face and he furrowed his eyebrows. “Did you...did he say something mean to you or something?” 

 

Virgil looked up at that. 

 

“What? No! Wh-what makes you think that?”

 

“Well, you look conflicted, that’s all.” Patton said gently, “If I’d bumped into an old friend from school, I would be in a much better mood than you seem to be in.”

 

“I concur,” Logan chimed in, “you looked dazed and quite sad when you came home just now.”

 

Virgil hummed thoughtfully, slipping his hand into his pocket and pulling out the note.

 

“Well...I just wasn’t expecting to bump into him today, that’s all.” Virgil said quietly, rubbing his thumb over the handwriting gently. A smile formed on his lips. 

 

Logan and Patton looked at one another, recognising the expression on Virgil’s face. 

 

“Virgil, is there something we’re missing?” Logan asked, eyebrow raised. Though Virgil could tell that Logan wasn’t really  _ asking _ . It felt like he already knew what was going on. 

 

Virgil’s eyes flitted between his two roommates slowly before he sighed and sunk back into the soft fabric of the chair. 

 

“Yeah...there is.” He mumbled, “When Roman and I were in high school, I may have had...a little crush on him. But just a tiny one!” 

 

Logan and Patton stared at him incredulously. Virgil hated how in sync they were. 

 

“Okay, so...bigger than tiny.” Virgil breathed, rolling his eyes and looking up at the ceiling. “I bumped into him at a coffee shop and he turned around and just...I felt  _ everything  _ I felt in high school rushing back. It felt like coming up for air after being underwater.” 

 

Silence followed and Virgil looked down from the ceiling, seeing Patton looking at him with a sweet smile. Logan however wasn’t looking at Virgil at all, rather he was looking at Patton with an almost unreadable expression on his face.  _ Almost  _ unreadable. 

 

Virgil smirked to himself and shook his head. He guessed he wasn’t the only one in the apartment who had problems in the crush department. 

 

“Oh, that’s so romantic…” Patton breathed softly, pressing his hands against his cheek. “Are you gonna tell him? You have to! I’m sure he’s head over heels for you too!” 

 

Virgil’s smirk fell and he sighed, shaking his head. 

 

“I-I can’t, Patton. We don’t know each other anymore, it’s been seven years. And I don’t even know if he’s single, so...let’s just drop it for today, okay? Please?” 

 

Patton pouted but nodded, turning back to the TV. Logan seemed to snap back to life and turned away from Patton bashfully, standing up and adjusting his polo shirt. 

 

“Um...right, this has been a  _ riveting _ conversation, thank you for trusting us with that information, Virgil.” Logan smiled politely and glanced over at Patton who was staring at him, a confused (adorable) look on his face. “I-I forgot, um...I have lesson plans to...plan. So, I’ll be going.” 

 

With that, he briskly walked to his room and shut the door. Virgil and Patton looked at one another, one man confused and the other knowing all too well what he was feeling. 

 

* * *

 

That night, Virgil laid in bed, staring at the receipt with cat-like intensity. His eyes scanned every letter, every number, every curve and dip in Roman’s handwriting. 

 

_ He writes his Y’s differently than he did in high school.  _

 

_ He still uses the same half-breed of cursive and print as I remember.  _

 

Virgil groaned quietly and rolled over, hiding his face in his pillow. His hands shook as he reached for his phone, adding Roman’s new number into his phone. 

 

He paused upon naming the new contact. 

 

_ Do I put Princey? Like before? Or just Roman? What would he name me?  _

 

Virgil sniffed and glared at his phone for a moment before shaking his head and typing in ‘Roman Kingsley’. Simple. 

 

He opened his messages app and began typing out a new text message. 

 

**_Me, 8:04pm:_ **

_ hey _

 

**_Me, 8:04pm:_ **

_ its virgil  _

 

**_Me, 8:04pm:_ **

_ u still down to catch up sometime? _

 

The second he hit ‘send’, he threw his phone onto the edge of his bed, glaring at it like it was a bomb. 

 

Not a minute later, he heard the phone buzz. Then it buzzed again. Then once more. 

 

He took a slow, shaky breath and reached over, grabbing it and turning it on. 

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 8:04pm:_ **

_ Yes!! Absolutely!!  _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 8:04pm:_ **

_ When are you free?  _

 

Virgil  _ wanted  _ to write something cute, maybe even flirty. Something suave like  _ For you? I’ll make myself free.  _ Something smooth like that. But obviously, he did not say that. 

 

**_Me, 8:05pm:_ **

_ um i can do saturday?  _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 8:05pm:_ **

_ Saturday works beautifully! Lunch?  _

 

**_Me, 8:05pm:_ **

_ sounds good _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 8:05pm:_ **

_ Fabulous! There’s a little cafe I’ve been dying to try out. I’ll take you! I’ll message you the address later.  _

 

Virgil smiled at his phone, biting his lip and trying hard not to let out an excited squeal. He was an adult man with a job and responsibilities. He was  _ not  _ an excited little teenager with a crush. 

 

Right? 

 

He thought back to his first relationship. Anthony Chan. 

 

Virgil could remember the day the broke up like it was yesterday. Not because it still hurt but because of what Anthony had said. 

 

_ It’s like you’ve been checked out of our relationship since day one.  _

 

_ There’s always been someone else in your head, no matter how much I tried to be the only person on your mind.  _

 

Thinking about their last fight made an uncomfortable guilt seize in his chest and he pushed it aside, rolling on to his back. 

 

Virgil would be smarter this time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i’m real sorry for the unplanned hiatus i took i wasn’t feeling this story for a while so i just…..stopped writing it. I have chapters 1 - 7 written and i’m working on 8 now – basically, i’ve gotten back into the swing of this story and i’m gonna try and upload regularly!!! pls beat me up if i dont fjdkls
> 
> if y'all wanna follow me on tumblr and read the updates there my url is @romanticsanders! comments and kudos are much appreciated as always!
> 
> \- Brit xx


	6. Chapter 6

Roman got home after rehearsal and shrugged his coat off, hanging it up on the coat rack by the door. He dropped his keys into the bowl next to the door and looked up when he heard someone clearing their throat. 

 

Josh was sitting on their couch, holding a picture of them in his hands. Roman wanted to smile at the sight of him but was instead filled with fear and anxiety. He took a slow, shaky breath and walked forward.

 

“Hey.” Roman said quietly, shoving his hands into his pockets. It was like he was a stranger in his own home. Josh didn’t look up. 

 

“Do you remember when we took this?” Josh asked, gesturing to the picture in his hands. They both looked tanned and ecstatic, arms around each other. “When I took you to Spain for our anniversary as a surprise?”

 

Roman smiled at the memory.

 

“Yeah, of course I do. Your broken Spanish was adorable.” Roman replied softly, walking closer so that he was right next to the couch. 

 

“Yeah…” Josh placed the picture on the coffee table and rubbed his face with his hands, sighing. 

 

“Josh-”

 

“Roman, I love you, I do.” Josh started, standing up and facing his boyfriend  _ finally _ for the first time since Roman had arrived. “But I can’t keep doing this with you. The fighting, the storming out, the silent treatment…”

 

“It’ll be different this time! Better!” 

 

“That is what you said last time.” Josh said softly. 

 

“Look, Josh, I...I love you. I have ever since you asked me to go out with you when I was 15.” Roman said quietly, “you are the only person I want to come home to everyday, doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

 

A small smile grew on Josh’s face and Roman’s heart began beating faster. 

 

“We’ve grown together, we can keep doing it.” Roman took Josh’s hand and squeezed it lightly. “We can make this work. Give us another shot.”

 

Josh sighed tiredly and ran his fingers through his dirty blonde locks.

 

“One more shot.” He murmured, smiling when Roman grinned at him and pulled him in for a tight hug. 

 

An unpleasant feeling brewed in Josh’s stomach but he pushed it way down, letting himself enjoy being held in Roman’s arms. 

 

* * *

 

“Is this shirt too...dark?” Virgil asked, fiddling with the chain hanging off of the collar of his black button up. It used to be his favourite shirt but now...everything seemed all wrong. Too... _ edgy.  _ Too try-hard. Everything had to be perfect.

 

Remy raised an eyebrow from where he was slouched over on the couch, eyeing Virgil slowly.

 

“I think you look normal,” Remy remarked, pushing the glasses up his nose. “What are you getting all dressed up for?” 

 

Virgil cleared his throat uncomfortably and smoothed a crease in his shirt.

 

“I’m having lunch with…” The potential love of my life? “A friend.” 

 

“Hm...a friend? Or a  _ friend _ ?” Remy wiggled his eyebrows and Virgil blushed bright red. “Girl, you can’t lie to me, we’ve shared everything with each other since we were womb-mates. Spill.”

 

“Rem, you know I hate it when you say ‘womb-mate’.” Virgil said, wrinkling his nose and sighing. “And I’m seeing a friend! Actually...i’m getting lunch with Roman.”

 

A pause. 

 

Virgil could  _ feel _ Remy’s eyebrows slowly moving up his forehead as he processed this new information.

 

“Roman. Roman Kingsley?” Remy asked incredulously, “you haven’t seen or talked to him in seven years, are you  _ still _ hung up on him?”

 

“No…” Virgil mumbled, fiddling with the chain on his collar. Remy shook his head, laughing quietly to himself.

 

“Mm, okay, if that’s the story you’re telling yourself.” Remy stood up and placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder, squeezing gently before walking into his room. 

 

Virgil sighed and looked at Roman’s last text one more time before grabbing his keys and wallet and walking out the door.

 

Remy may have been right about a lot of things, but he was  _ not _ right about this. Virgil had this situation completely under control.

 

* * *

 

Virgil did not have this situation completely under control. 

 

He knew that fact as soon as he walked into Trattoria at precisely 1:14pm and saw Roman sitting by a window, looking just as  _ perfect _ as he’d always looked. 

 

Virgil remembered the way that Roman would walk into first period English class at 8am, coffee in hand and sunglasses on, looking like an angel among unworthy peasants. Virgil included. 

 

Roman spotted him standing (and staring) at the door and waved him over, standing up eagerly. Virgil gave Roman a weak smile in return and walked over, trying to will himself not to shake.

 

“Virgil! It’s so amazing to see you!” Roman said happily, opening his arms and pulling Virgil in for a hug. They both closed their eyes and enjoyed the moment (if not just for a second) before pulling away. “You look great! I love this shirt, it’s  _ very _ in at the moment.”

 

“In?”

 

“Yes! You look so stylish! I feel underdressed.” Roman laughed, though something about the nervous quirk of his eyebrows made Virgil raise his own. Roman self-deprecatingly ran a hand down his chest and fiddled with the buttons on his dark red shirt. 

 

“N-No, you look…” enchanting? Beautiful?  Like you’re glowing? “Just like you did in high school.”

 

Roman raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes. 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Virgil smiled lightly and patted Roman’s bicep gently. 

 

“Confident, Roman. You look confident.” Virgil bit his lip and allowed himself to gratuitously eye Roman’s ensemble - and his ensemble  _ only _ , he promised. “...and I mean you always look amazing.”

 

Roman preened under the compliment and sat back down, nervously fiddling with his knife and fork. 

 

“Well, thank you. And I must say, even if you have changed a lot since high school,” Roman not-so-subtly eyed his friends new tattoos and freshly dyed hair, “I know you’re the same amazing person I met on the playground when we were both 8-years-old.”

 

They smiled at each other for a moment, eyes locked and smiles small but noticeable. 

 

Virgil could feel his heart beating in a way he hadn’t felt since high school. He swallowed thickly and stared at the man sitting in front of him. The man he’d been so  _ desperately  _ in love with for years, only...different. More refined and calm, no longer just a ball of nervous energy and hair gel. But still, a man Virgil could see himself falling for... _ again. _

 

“So!” Virgil said suddenly, his eyes moving down to glare at the menu in front of him. Roman raised his eyebrows in surprise but picked up his own menu. “What...what do you want to eat? I-I’m starved.” 

 

Roman hummed and nibbled on his lip lightly with his perfect,  _ perfect _ teeth.  _ Damn him. _

 

God, old habits die hard. 

 

The waitress came over to take their orders and silence fell. Virgil tapped his fingernail against his knife, trying hard to fill the silence. 

 

“So…”

 

“Hows-”

 

They both stopped, eyes wide as if waiting for the other to finish their sentence. When neither did, they shared a quiet chuckle. Roman shook his head as Virgil blushed brightly.

 

“Seems we’re a bit rusty.” Roman remarked quietly, resting his chin in the palm of his hand and giving Virgil a  _ look  _ that could melt a stadium full of ice. 

 

“Seems that way, huh?” 

 

“How about this? Let’s play 20 questions!” Roman suggested, clapping his hands together once enthusiastically, drawing the attention of a few cafe-goers around them. Virgil snickered but covered his mouth with his hand quickly. 

 

“Even after seven years, you still manage to pull focus.” Virgil said once the giggles had stopped, though a fond smile remained on his face. “And isn’t 20 questions a game where creepy guys try to ask girls super hyper-sexual questions over the internet?”

 

Roman’s lower lip jutted out and he batted his eyelashes. 

 

Damn him. Again.

 

“Okay!” Virgil relented, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands up in defeat. “You win! Let’s play 20 questions.” 

 

Roman clapped excitedly and leaned forward. 

 

“Yes! Thank you! I’ll go first,” Roman said happily, a mischievous look in his eye. “Are you seeing anyone?” 

 

Virgil’s eyes widened and he flushed again (and if you were keeping score, that would be the second time within 15 minutes). 

 

“Wh-me? Seeing someone? No! That’s...that’s crazy, I...I haven’t...I was! I was dating someone but that has...ended.” Virgil petered off lamely and sank back into his seat, his eyes dropping. “It wasn’t serious, it lasted like three months before he broke up with me ‘cause…”  _ ‘cause I was still hung up on you.’ _ “...he didn’t like the way I dressed.”

 

Roman furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, reaching across the table and grabbing Virgil’s hand gently.

 

“I’m sorry, Virgil, I...I shouldn’t have asked so blatantly.” Roman said gently, “It’s rather typical of me, isn’t it? To speak without thinking.” 

 

Roman smiled but there was no life behind it, not really. Virgil looked up and squeezed Roman’s hand back, trying to will some form of happiness into Roman’s body. 

 

“No, no, it’s okay! I’m over Anthony, and...I like how you always speak your mind.”

 

Roman looked at their hands, sitting on the table interlocked, and he smiled genuinely this time. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Over 20 rounds of ‘20 questions’ later, it was as if the distance between Roman and Virgil had never even existed. The time ticked by until most of the lunch crowd had left and the winter sun had slowly began to descend.

 

“So, when did you get your first tattoo?” Roman asked, “And where?” 

 

Virgil hesitated and fiddled with where his sleeve was rolled up. 

 

“Well, um...you know I always liked drawing and doodling, right?” At Roman’s nod of affirmation, Virgil continued. “Yeah, well, I was working at the coffee shop next to the liquor store on Bailey Street and in between customers, I’d sort of doodle in a little book next to the cash register.

 

“I remember it was two years after you’d left and for some reason I remembered when we used to get coffee before school and you’d drive like a maniac to make sure we weren’t late for first period and my hand started doodling, and…”

 

Virgil rolled up his sleeve to reveal a delicate crown design on his right arm, just above his elbow. 

 

“Mom and dad  _ freaked  _ when they saw it but I think they kind of like it now. I’m particularly fond of it too, since it’s...Roman?”

 

At the sound of his own name, Roman looked up, his eyes suspiciously shiny. His hand was covering his mouth and his cheeks were pink. 

 

“Your first tattoo was...inspired by me?” Roman asked quietly, his eyes locked on Virgil’s arm, at the smooth black lines of the tattoo. 

 

Virgil nodded bashfully and looked down at it. 

 

“Yeah. I wanted to get something that inspired me and you definitely do that.”

 

I’m not sure if you were counting, but this of course led to the third significant, silent look of the afternoon. 

 

“Excuse me? I’m sorry, but we’re about to close to prepare for the dinner rush.” 

 

Both men jumped, not noticing the timid waitress who was now standing at their table holding a leather envelope. 

 

“Oh! I-I hadn’t realised we’d been talking for so long!” Roman said, flashing the waitress a charming grin - to which she blushed and looked away. 

 

“It’s no problem! You two looked like you were having such a good time, I really didn’t want to interrupt your date.” 

 

Date.

 

Date?! 

 

Was this a date?!

 

Virgil watched as Roman took the bill from the waitress and slipped her his credit card, making small chat with her. His lips were moving but Virgil couldn’t hear anything coming out, he could only hear his own thoughts circling and nipping at his brain.

 

Roman had asked if he was seeing anybody. 

 

He’d paid for  _ both  _ of them. 

 

Roman hadn’t mentioned a significant other…

 

Could this have been...a date?

 

“...irgil? Virgil?” 

 

Virgil shook his head and looked at Roman who was staring at him worriedly. 

 

“Are you okay, Stormy? You look like you saw a ghost.” 

 

Virgil practically melted at the use of his adolescent nickname. 

 

“I-I’m okay! I just...zoned out for a second. I’m good, I promise.”

 

Roman smiled and stood up, putting on his jacket and waiting for Virgil to do the same. They walked out of the restaurant together and began strolling aimlessly, wandering towards a public playground. 

 

It was empty by now, with the after school rush dissipating as the sun began to go down. Roman grinned as he eyed the swingset. 

 

“Would you accompany me on the swingset?” Roman asked with a cheeky grin, bending slightly in a half-bow gesture. Virgil laughed and rolled his eyes.

 

“What, are we seven again?” Roman didn’t reply, simply raising his eyebrows until Virgil shook his head, taking Roman’s extended hand. “Fine, whatever. But you’re pushing me.”

 

“It would be my honour.” 

 

They walked towards the swings together, Roman’s hand curled firmly around Virgil’s as he lead him through the park. Virgil tried not to think about how nice it felt. Tried being the operative word.

 

Virgil sat down on the swing and watched as Roman walked behind him. He felt firm hands on his back and he gripped the metal chains tightly. 

 

“Ready?”

 

“Always.”

 

Virgil felt a push against his back and suddenly his feet were off the ground and he was swinging through the air. He couldn’t help but let out a high pitched giggle as he felt the wind rushing past his face. 

 

They stayed there, Roman pushing Virgil and Virgil swinging back and forth contentedly. Their excited giggles filled the air as they enjoyed the winter breeze and each other’s company. 

 

Eventually Roman joined Virgil on the swing beside him, swinging higher and higher as Virgil watched. 

 

“I forgot how much fun this was!” Roman exclaimed as he closed his eyes. His nose and cheeks were pink from the cold but for once Roman wasn’t thinking about his appearance. He was too focused on feeling the cold air hitting his skin. It made him feel alive like he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

 

Virgil watched with a gentle smile on his face, swinging calmly and much less vigorously. He could feel his heartbeat begin to race the longer he watched Roman, completely free from stress and anxiety and insecurity. 

 

For a moment, there was nothing but Virgil, Roman, and the swingset. But all moments come to an end eventually. 

 

Roman calmed down and allowed himself to slow down to a gentle sway, trying to move in sync with Virgil. 

 

“So...I mentioned my show over lunch…” Roman said hesitantly, scraping the tip of his boot against the grass below him. Virgil looked over and raised an eyebrow inquisitively. 

 

“Yeah...A Christmas Carol, right? But...a musical?” Virgil asked. Roman looked up and beamed at him. 

 

“Yes! I was wondering if...well, previews begin very soon and I was wondering if you’d like to come see it! You could invite whomever you’d like to come watch the show and perhaps afterwards we could all go for dinner?” 

 

Was this...Probably not, right? Virgil was definitely reading into this.

 

“I mean...musicals aren’t really my thing…” Virgil started hesitantly. He looked over at Roman who just looked so profoundly  _ sad  _ in that moment, Virgil just...couldn’t. “But, what the hell? I’d love to come.” 

 

“Yes! Thank you! I cannot wait! It’s been so long since you’ve seen me perform, Virgil, I promise you, it will be amazing!” Roman said enthusiastically, clapping his hands together. Virgil simply smiled and shrugged, feeling another blush coming on. 

 

“Roman, I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

“Mhm?” 

 

Virgil bit his lip and his grip on the swing’s chains tightened. It was now or never. 

 

“Is this a da-”

 

Virgil’s question went unanswered and rudely interrupted when Roman’s phone began ringing loudly, shocking the silent, settled atmosphere that had fallen over them both. 

 

“Oh! Um...Virgil, I’m so sorry, one second.” Roman said, wincing when he looked at the name on his screen. Virgil couldn’t see who it was but he could tell that Roman didn’t particularly want to deal with this person right now. 

 

“No, no, it’s okay…”

 

“Hello?” Roman said quietly, his eyebrows knitting together and his mouth falling into a frown. “Josh, now isn’t a good time, I’m with...someone.”

 

Josh.

 

As in…

 

Virgil wanted to laugh  _ and  _ cry in that moment, sitting on a swing set next to the person he’d been in love with for practically his whole adult life, listening to him talk to his  _ boyfriend _ who he’d been with since high school. 

 

So...not a date, then. Gotcha. 

 

Virgil was barely listening as Roman spoke to  _ Joshua _ in a hushed, frustrated-sounding whisper, only picking up certain phrases here and there.

 

_...Always do this… _

 

_...Don’t trust me… _

 

_...Save this for later… _

 

Virgil sighed and pulled out his own phone, crafting a text message to send to his brother.

 

**_Me, 5:12pm:_ **

_ nvm. it wasnt a date.  _

 

**_Brother., 5:12pm:_ **

_ shit, virge, i’m sorry. r u ok? _

 

**_Me, 5:12pm:_ **

_ shouldnt have gotten my hopes up i guess _

 

**_Me, 5:13pm:_ **

_ that was my b  _

 

“I’m so sorry about that, Virgil, that was so rude of me!” Roman said after he’d finally hung up. He slipped his phone back into his coat pocket. Virgil tried not to think about how Roman’s posture had no stiffened considerably and his easy smile had disappeared. 

 

“No problem.” Virgil said, though his brain had disconnected from his mouth. He didn’t really know what he was saying. “Who was it?”

 

Roman frowned and bit his lip, staring at his hands before looking up at Virgil with a shrug of resignation.

 

“It was...it was Josh actually. You remember him, right?”

 

_ You mean that smug, sanctimonious know-it-all you dated in high school? _

 

“Oh, Joshua? Yeah, I remember him…” Virgil said instead, swallowing his pride. “You guys are...you guys are still together, huh?”

 

At that, Roman smiled - but it looked fake. More of a pressing of his lips together more than a genuine display. 

 

“Yeah...going on almost 10 years together.” Roman said quietly, clearing his throat. 

 

“Wow. Impressive.” Virgil replied shortly. He could feel his walls steadily building themselves up once again, brick by brick. 

 

“I suppose it is…” Roman murmured, kicking the ground gently and setting himself on a gentle sway. “But...can I be honest with you, Stormy? Since you are my...best friend.”

 

Virgil looked at Roman and raised his eyebrows slowly, a hopefully welcoming gesture for Roman to keep going. 

 

“Things have been...difficult with Josh lately.” Roman admitted, looking up at the steadily darkening sky and watching as his breath puffed out in small clouds of smoke. “Well, i say lately...they’ve been difficult for years.”

 

And, there it was. Virgil’s window. 

 

He looked up and watched as Roman stared up at the sky sadly, as if hoping the clouds and stars could answer all of his problems for him. It was the sadness in Roman’s eyes that made Virgil realise...now wasn’t the time. 

 

“I’m sorry, Princey, that’s...rough.” That’s rough? That’s  _ all _ you have to say? How succinct, Virgil. “I mean, you guys have been together for a long time. Maybe...this is just a phase.” 

 

Roman let out a quiet huff of laughter but there was no humour in it. 

 

“It’s been like this for the past two years.” Roman sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the chains holding his swing up. “I don’t know what happened. We were fine one day and then we were fighting and giving each other the silent treatment and acting like strangers…”

 

Virgil and Roman sat there for a moment. The air around them became still and silent, thick like they were breathing in molasses. 

 

Virgil didn’t  _ want  _ to think that there was hope for him yet, not while Roman was sitting beside him looking so utterly miserable. But that still didn’t stop the thought from making it’s way across his mind.

 

_ I have a chance. _

 

“I-”

 

“I’m sorry, Virgil,” Roman cut Virgil off before he could finish his thought. “I shouldn’t be putting all of this baggage onto you, especially since we haven’t seen each other in years!” 

 

Virgil shrugged and offered up a smile, reaching out and giving Roman’s hand a quick pat. 

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Virgil said softly, “If you need someone to listen...you know, I’m here.”

 

Roman smiled at Virgil before standing up, sighing as he brushed dirt off the seat of his pants.

 

“Well...I suppose I should be going. Josh doesn’t like to be kept waiting after all.” Roman shook his head and smiled, but Virgil could tell that it wasn’t a real Roman Smile. His eyes weren’t crinkling at the edges and his dimples weren’t showing. 

 

Virgil nodded and stood up as well before hesitantly reaching over and squeezing Roman’s hand. 

 

“If you need anything…”

 

“I know where to find you.” Roman said with a grin, squeezing Virgil’s hand back quickly. 

 

They walked to the subway together, Virgil’s hands in his jacket pockets as they walked together in a comfortable, if not strained, silence. 

 

They arrived at the subway stop and Roman stopped walking, chuckling quietly to himself and shaking his head. Virgil looked over at him inquisitively, raising his eyebrows in question.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“Nothing, just…” Roman sighed and looked at Virgil, the cold December air colouring Roman’s cheeks just slightly pink. Virgil didn’t think he could get any more beautiful. “Everything would’ve been so simpler if I’d just...dated you in high school.”

 

Virgil knew that Roman was joking. He  _ knew _ that. But that didn’t stop his heart from skipping a beat when he said it. 

 

He simply smiled, looking down at the ground and shrugging. 

 

“Oh, please. You couldn’t handle me.” Virgil said with a grin, looking up at Roman. 

Roman simply hummed and looked away with a smile Virgil couldn’t decipher. 

 

“Well...I really enjoyed seeing you again, Virgil, let’s definitely do it again. Soon.” 

 

Roman pulled Virgil in for a tight hug and sighed quietly, nestling his nose into the crook of his best friend’s neck. Virgil wrapped his arms tightly around Roman’s waist, hooking his chin over his shoulder. 

 

“I missed you, Stormy.”

 

Virgil smiled and closed his eyes. 

 

“I missed you more, Princey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO chapter 6! hope you guys are enjoying the story so far!! i’m writing chapter 8 right now so hopefully chapter 7 will be up soon! i just wanna get some more chapters written to get ahead of myself. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO COMMENTED ON THE LAST CHAPTER! work has been really busy so i haven't been able to reply to everyone but i appreciate you all nonetheless!
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated! thank you for reading! <3
> 
> \- Brit xx


	7. Chapter 7

“Do you think we have enough wine for the party tonight?” Josh asked, peering into the wine fridge skeptically. “We have two reds and two whites. I can go pick up some ros é if you think we need more.”

 

“Mhm…”

 

“‘Mhm’ as in I should go buy some rosé, or ‘mhm’ as in we have enough wine?” Josh turned around as he asked Roman his question and found his boyfriend staring down at his phone, a big smile on his face that Josh hadn’t seen in years. 

 

He sighed quietly, leaning back against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms as he waited for Roman to take notice. When he didn’t, Josh rolled his eyes and cleared his throat instead. 

 

Roman finally looked up from his phone and smiled sheepishly at his boyfriend, turning his phone off and setting it down.

 

“Sorry, what were you saying?” Roman asked, “Wine?”

 

Josh smiled but it felt more like a grimace.

 

“Yes, Roman. Wine.”

 

“Oh, uh...I think we have enough but I’ll go pick up some drinks later just in case people don’t like wine.”

 

“Who do we know that doesn’t like wine?” Josh asked, mentally combing through the list of their friends. 

 

“Oh! Um…” Roman looked down at his phone again and smiled sheepishly. “I invited Virgil and his friends. You, um...you remember Virgil, right?”

 

Josh raised his eyebrows.

 

“Virgil. From high school?”  _ The guy who was in love with you through all of senior year?  _ “Uh...yeah, vaguely.”

 

“Well, we bumped into each other a few weeks ago and we’ve been talking and hanging out!” Roman grinned, his cheeks slightly flushed. Josh tried not to think about how he couldn’t remember the last time Roman had been that excited to see  _ him _ . “It’s been so nice seeing Virgil again, Josh, it’s like no time has passed.”

 

Josh scoffed and walked over to the fridge, missing the way Roman’s smile dimmed and fell into a frown at his unenthusiastic reaction. 

 

“What is it?”

 

“Oh...nothing.” Josh remarked airily, reaching into the fridge for a beer and cracking it open, taking a large swig. “I’m so glad you invited Virgil to our party, after all he and I got on like a house on fire in high school, didn’t we?” 

 

Roman furrowed his eyebrows as he watched Josh take another swig of beer. 

 

“Okay, well, first of all, are you really drinking right now? It’s barely 11.” At Roman’s criticism, Joshua only rolled his eyes and took another swig. “Second of all, what is that attitude? Virgil was always nothing but nice to you! And he’s my best friend. I’ve missed him.” 

 

“Yeah, you missed him, I’m sure.” Josh mumbled, staring into his can and swirling the amber liquid around. “Whatever. Invite whoever you want, Roman. I’m gonna go buy the damn rosé.” He took a final swig of his beer and threw it into the recycling before grabbing his keys. 

 

Before Roman could protest, Joshua had left, slamming the door shut behind him. He furrowed his eyebrows, wondering what on earth could’ve upset him so much.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Virgil nibbled on his lip as he looked down at his phone. Roman had stopped replying a few minutes ago.

 

He sighed and stuffed his phone into his pocket before leaving his room finally, walking into the living room. 

 

He found Logan working at the dining table with Patton reading a book beside him. Remy was lounging on the couch, flicking through Netflix. Virgil paused for a second before clearing his throat, effectively breaking the comfortable silence shared between the three of them.

 

“Virgil?” Logan asked, raising an eyebrow as he turned in his chair to face his roommate. 

 

Patton and Remy eyed him curiously. Suddenly Virgil felt itchy, not liking the feeling of so much attention on him. It felt foreign. 

 

“I uh...sorry, I didn’t know you guys were so busy.” Virgil mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck as his eyes shifted around the room. 

 

Remy rolled his eyes good naturedly before leaning on the arm rest, chin in his hands. His usual pose of intrigue. 

 

“What’s up, Virgie?” Remy asked, knowing how much Virgil hated that nickname. 

 

Virgil winced and shot Remy a glare. 

 

“Don’t call me that.” Virgil shot back, though the heat was absent from his words. “I wanted to ask you guys...if...uh...if you aren’t busy tonight that is, if you’d wanna come to a party with me? At Roman’s place.” 

 

“A party at Roman’s? Comme c'est intéressant!” Remy replied, eyes glittering with mischief.  **_(Translation: How interesting!)_ **

 

Virgil glared at Remy once more. 

 

“I’m free!” Patton chimed in, not liking the tension he could feel beginning to settle in the room. “I’d love to go.” 

 

Logan looked at Patton who looked back at him, eyes wide and smile pleading. He was playing dirty, that was for sure. Patton knew Logan could never resist those eyes. 

 

“I suppose I can leave this until tomorrow.” Logan said hesitantly, closing his laptop. “I’ll accompany you as well.” 

 

Patton squealed happily, making Logan smile back at him softly. Virgil watched the interaction, eyebrows raised and a slight smirk growing on his lips. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll come too. Why not?” Remy remarked, standing up and walking towards Virgil. “You know what that means!”

 

Virgil groaned as Remy took his hands and began dragging him to his bedroom.

 

“No, we’re not 17 anymore, Remy, you don’t have to give me a  _ makeover _ !” Virgil protested, though he followed his brother anyway. 

 

“Uh, yes I do. It’s in the ‘fashionable twin’ handbook, dumbass.” Remy sassed, mentally running his mind through all the items of clothing he knew Virgil owned. “Do you still have that shirt with the spikes on the collar? Cause that would look sooo good on you.” 

 

Virgil groaned again, even louder and more dramatic than before, though truthfully he couldn’t help but feel relieved. No matter what, he was glad he could always count on his stupid brother to help him out.

 

~  _ 8 years ago ~ _

 

_ “Remy, this is pointless.” Virgil groaned, his mouth threatening to fall into a pout as Remy tried (and struggled) to fit a ripped denim jacket onto Virgil’s shoulders. “Everyone at this stupid party is gonna ignore me anyway.” _

 

_ “How optimistic of you.” Remy replied, pushing Virgil in front of a mirror and watching as he took in his own reflection. “What do you think?” _

 

_ Virgil looked at himself in the mirror, fiddling with the hem on the jacket Remy had slipped on him. It didn’t look awful, he supposed. He actually looked kind of cool.  _

 

_ The shirt was different than what he usually wore - he didn’t really like collared shirts - but the spikes on the collar made Virgil feel dangerously confident. Something he wasn’t used to feeling. _

 

_ “I think…” Virgil started, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “It looks...fine. I guess...you did an alright job.”  _

 

_ Remy rolled his eyes and laid back on Virgil’s bed, grabbing Virgil’s phone.  _

 

_ “You got a text from lover boy.” _

 

_ Virgil flushed a bright shade of red and he whipped around, running towards Remy and tackling him in an attempt to get his phone back. Unluckily for him, Remy had always been more agile than Virgil. He tuck and rolled under Virgil and landed on the carpet, laughing loudly as he unlocked Virgil’s phone. _

 

_ “Oh, Virgil,” Remy began, speaking like a soap opera star in the 90s. “I count the breaths ‘till our next meeting! I cannot wait to hold you in my arms and- Ah!”  _

 

_ Virgil caught Remy off guard then, jumping on top of Remy’s back and grabbing his phone back, breathing heavily.  _

 

_ “You’re such a dick!” Virgil cried, shoving Remy’s head to the side and checking his phone. _

 

**_Princey K, 5:48pm:_ **

_ Hey, I’m parked out front!! Let me know when you’re ready <3  _

 

**_Princey K, 5:52pm:_ **

_ Stormy? _

 

**_Princey K, 5:53pm:_ **

_ Did you die _

 

**_Princey K, 5:53pm:_ **

_ Bc if you did I don’t think I could handle the grief on the night of the biggest party of the year. _

 

**_Princey K, 5:55pm:_ **

_ Virgil?????????? _

 

_ Virgil cursed quietly and stuffed his phone and wallet in his pockets, ignoring Remy’s knowing stare from where he was still sat on the floor.  _

 

_ “Stop looking at me.” Virgil mumbled, typing out a quick ‘coming’ text to Roman before dropping it into his jacket pocket.  _

 

_ “Mm…” Remy hummed softly, standing up and perching himself on the edge of Virgil’s bed. “Are you sure going to this party is such a good idea? You know how you get with crowds…”  _

 

_ Virgil looked at Remy then who, for once, was looking at him with genuine concern. Virgil shot his brother a weak smile and rubbed the back of his neck. _

 

_ “I’m terrified.” He said softly, one hand in his pocket gripping his phone like a lifeline.  _

 

_ Remy nodded, looking around the room briefly before standing up, running his fingers through his hair.  _

 

_ “Give me ten minutes.”  _

 

_ “What?” Virgil asked, watching as Remy left his room and walked steadfastly into his own. “Why?” _

 

_ “‘Cause I’m coming with you!” Remy called, disappearing behind his door. “My paper can wait anyway.”  _

 

_ Virgil smiled then, suddenly so, so glad he hadn’t been born an only child. _

 

* * *

 

To Remy’s disappointment, Virgil had gotten rid of his spike-collared shirt after high school. It had held too many memories, he’d justified as he dropped it into the charity bin. His wardrobe had expanded since then however, and for that Remy was grateful.

 

“Ohh, I’m definitely borrowing this.” Remy said, grabbing a dark sweater with asymmetrical rips out of Virgil’s closet and holding it up to his own torso. “I’ve never been more glad to be yoour identical twin.”

 

“Remy.”

 

“Okay, okay.” Remy threw the sweater onto Virgil’s bed and pulled out a cream sweater with elbow patches, throwing it at him. “Put this on.”

 

Virgil caught the sweater and held it out in front of him, eyeing it hesitantly. 

 

“I don’t really...wear white, Rem.”

 

“First of all, it’s cream, so jot that down.” Remy replied, rummaging through Virgil’s black jean collection. “Second of all, you bought it for a reason. Just try it on, please?” 

 

Virgil sighed and pulled off his t-shirt, struggling into the sweater and feeling the soft wool on his skin. He had to admit it was a step up from his usual hoodie. He felt the fabric with his hands, pulling the sleeves down so it only revealed the tips of his fingers. He actually...liked it.

 

After trying on piece after piece, they’d finally agreed on an outfit. A cream sweater, dark ripped jeans, and combat boots. 

 

“Oh, Virge, you look great.” Remy said, clapping his brother’s shoulders happily. “And now the pièce de résistance…”

 

Virgil turned around from where he was looking at himself in the mirror and saw Remy holding up his leather jacket, an odd smile on his face. 

 

“You’re letting me borrow this?” Virgil asked, taking it from Remy’s hands gently, feeling the smooth leather against his finger tips.

 

“ _ Just _ for tonight, no more. It gives me confidence so...I figured it might help you.” Remy said, rolling his eyes at the cheesiness but smiling nonetheless. “Besides I’ve got a different outfit planned for me tonight and leather doesn’t go.”

 

Virgil smiled as he looked at the jacket, slipping it on. 

 

“Thanks for the help, Rem.” Virgil mumbled, stuffing his hands in the pockets and smiling bashfully. “You’re...you’re a good brother.”

 

Remy grinned and smacked Virgil on the arm gently. 

 

“You are too.”

 

* * *

 

The closer he got to Roman’s apartment, the shorter Virgil could feel his breath getting. He didn’t know why he was so nervous, after all, it was just Roman, right? But really no, it wasn’t. It would be Roman and his  _ boyfriend _ and a bunch of his  _ other friends _ . Friends who might judge Virgil. Friends who might not like Virgil. Friends who might make Roman realise how much better off he would be without-

 

“Virgil, are you alright?” Logan asked, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder as they reached Roman’s door. “You started breathing heavily.”

 

“We’re here for you, no matter what.” Patton said, gripping Virgil’s elbow and squeezing it. 

 

Virgil looked at Remy, Patton, and Logan and he smiled, taking a deep breath in and exhaling slowly. He would be fine. Everything would be fine.

 

“I’m good. Let’s go in before I lose my nerve.” Virgil said, raising up a hand to ring the doorbell. He ignored how shaky his arms felt. 

 

He pressed the doorbell once and waited, listening to the tell-tale ‘ding-dong’ ring quietly. 

 

Not 5 seconds later, the door was being swung open by a flushed Roman. Virgil felt his heart melt at the bright grin that grew on his best friend’s face as soon as they locked eyes. 

 

“Virgil!” Roman exclaimed happily, taking Virgil’s hand and pulling him inside. Logan, Patton, and Remy followed in tow (all with slightly amused looks on their faces). “Guys, Virgil’s here!” 

 

Virgil looked around the room and saw just what he expected - a bunch of unfamiliar faces. Luckily enough, though, the faces all looked friendly enough. Some people were even smiling at him. Maybe everything would really be fine. 

 

Roman turned to Virgil and smiled once more, leaning close and pulling him in for a tight hug. 

 

“You look so good in white! You should wear this sweater more often, I love it.” Roman murmured into his ear, squeezing his shoulders tightly. Virgil flushed and brought his arms up to encircle Roman’s waist just briefly before Roman pulled away. “And you brought friends!” 

 

Roman released Virgil from his hug but kept a grip on his hand, squeezing it gently.

 

“It is  _ so _ nice to meet you all, I’m Roman! I’m sure you’ve heard plenty about me.” Roman said, “I apologise, I’m afraid I’ve had more than a little to drink. I get very excited.” 

 

Logan reached forward first, offering a hand which Roman took and shook enthusiastically. 

 

“Logan Sanders, nice to meet you.” Logan said with a stiff smile, “I’m Virgil’s roommate.” 

 

Patton smiled at Roman brightly and took his offered hand, shaking it as well. 

 

“I’m Patton O’Connor, nice to meet you, Roman!” Patton said brightly, “Great place, you got here!”

 

“Why thank you! I decorated it myself, my boyfriend contributed the bare minimum.” Roman said. The bright grin still on his face never faltered but Virgil thought he saw something change in Roman’s eyes. 

 

When Roman moved on to Remy, he was about to offer his hand to introduce himself but stopped, dropping it instead and looking at Remy with wide eyes.

 

“Remy, hi! It’s been a while.” Roman said, blinking slowly as if he thought Remy might disappear. “I haven’t seen you since graduation.” 

 

Remy smiled coolly and nodded, arms crossed in front of him. 

 

“Roman. Good to see you again.” He replied, taking his trademark sunglasses and perching them on the top of his head. “Virgil told me you guys met up a little while ago. Must’ve been nice to reconnect.”

 

“Yeah, it...it was.” Roman said softly, straightening his posture. He cleared his throat and his ‘hostess with the mostess’ smile slid back into place with practiced ease. “Anyway, um...please, enjoy yourselves! There’s wine in the kitchen and some snacks as well if you’re hungry. If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to steal Virgil away for just a moment.” 

 

Virgil shot Remy a look as he let Roman drag him towards the couch. Remy simply waved and winked at him before walking with Patton and Logan to the kitchen to get a drink. 

 

Roman sat down on the couch and pulled Virgil down with him, squeezing his hand which he was  _ still _ holding and - wow, was it warm in here all of a sudden? Virgil felt very warm. He took off his jacket and looked around for a place to put it before folding it and letting it awkwardly sit on his lap.

 

“So-”

 

“You know, Virgil, sometimes I wish I never left Florida.” Roman said quietly, leaning his head back against the couch cushions. “Maybe then we never would’ve gotten so out of touch.”

 

Virgil paused and looked at Roman, studying the slope of his nose and the cut of his jawline. It reminded him of sitting in Jeremy Halstead’s basement that November night 8 years ago with Roman, talking about everything and nothing at all as they ignored the partygoers around them. 

 

“Well...you left for good reason.” Virgil said quietly, “You went to college. Got a degree. You did something with your life, y’know?”

 

Roman hummed quietly and turned his head to look at Virgil. His cheeks were flushed from the alcohol but Virgil could see sincerity in his eyes. 

 

“Yeah, I guess, but...I don’t know if it was worth it in the end. I lost you because of it.” Roman murmured. 

 

Virgil’s heart felt like it was about to rip out of his chest and land on the carpet in front of him. He didn’t know what this meant, what any of this meant. Was it the alcohol? Or could Roman possibly...feel something for him? 

 

* * *

 

Logan felt horribly out of place here, in a practical strangers home, surrounded by other strangers. He wasn’t one for impulsive decision making. Truthfully, he didn’t even know why he’d agreed to come to the party in the first place. 

 

Then, out of nowhere, Logan felt someone grab his wrist. He looked up from his wine glass and saw Patton staring at him with a gentle look in his eye.  _ Ah, yes. That was why.  _

 

“You okay?” Patton asked softly, looking down at his wine glass. “I’m uh...I’m not too sure how you’re supposed to carry these things. Do you hold the skinny part or the cup part? Or maybe the base bit?” Logan watched Patton fumble for a bit, the wine in his glass swilling around gently. He smiled.

 

“It doesn’t...It doesn’t really matter but you hold it like this.” Logan said, gesturing to his own glass. “You hold the stem with your index finger and your thumb and rest your other fingers on the base.”

 

Patton watched Logan’s fingers and tried his best to mimic his stance, only succeeding in looking slightly more awkward than before. Logan held back a light chuckle. 

 

“I, uh...do you want me to show you?” Logan asked hesitantly, his heart stilling in his chest. 

 

Patton looked at him and smiled gratefully. 

 

“Yes, please!” 

 

“Okay, um…” 

 

Logan put his glass on the kitchen counter and reached forward, holding the bowl of the glass gently between his fingers. He looked up at Patton, as if asking for permission, before grabbing his right hand gently. 

 

Logan could feel his face heating up but he elected to ignore it as he took Patton’s thumb and lightly pressed it against the stem of the glass. He shuffled closer ever so slightly as he guided Patton’s other fingers. He thought he might’ve heard Patton gasp lightly at their sudden shift in their proximity. 

 

“Like...that.” Logan said quietly, letting go of the bowl and watching Patton’s grip firm up on the stem of the glass. “It’s...It’s not as hard as you’d think.”

 

He finally looked up at Patton who’s freckled cheeks were slightly pink, lips parted. 

 

“Oh! Than-thank you, Logan.” Patton breathed, a smile returning to his face as he swirled the wine around his glass. “You always manage to save me from looking...stupid.”

 

“You’re not stupid, Pat.” Logan said firmly, placing a hand on Patton’s elbow. “You’re not.”

 

Patton smiled genuinely, the blush getting slightly darker. Logan realised he could probably count the freckles on his friend’s cheeks from this distance. 

 

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven’t checked out my very very good friend @skittlesun‘s art for this fic please do because she is a wonder and a very good artist whom I love!! <3 <3 also this is my favourite chapter I’ve written so far so I hope you guys enjoy it x also virgil and remy are fluent in french because i said so
> 
> comments and kudos are always much appreciated!! thank you to everyone's who's supported me and the fic by commenting so far!! if you wanna follow me on tumblr my url is @romanticsanders!!
> 
> \- Brit xx


	8. Chapter 8

Remy swirled his ros é around half-heartedly in his glass before taking a small sip. As he leaned against the wall and watched all of Roman’s friends mill about and pretend to laugh while drinking their equally disgusting alcoholic beverages, Remy saw something that made his heart stop.

 

_ Shit. _

 

He surveyed the living room before finding Virgil laughing with Roman on the couch. Without a second thought, he ran over, practically jumping behind Virgil and hiding his face in his brother’s shoulder, shocking Virgil and Roman both into silence.

 

“Remy? What are you doing?” Virgil asked, looking around nervously for any angry looking people following after him. 

 

“Is everything alright?” Roman asked, placing his and Virgil’s drinks on the coffee table. 

 

Remy poked his head up from behind Virgil’s shoulder and looked around the room, breathing out slowly. 

 

“Yes. No.  _ Shit _ ,” Remy groaned softly and ran his hands through his hair, leaning back against the couch. “I saw someone that I may or may not have...hooked up with. Last week.”

 

“What?!”

 

“Who?!”

 

Remy winced when Virgil and Roman both yelled at him. He definitely hadn’t missed their synchronicity. 

 

“Um...I-I can’t remember his name...Daniel, maybe? Darren?”

 

“It’s Damien actually.”

 

At the sound of a familiar baritone voice, Remy sighed, pressing his forehead harder against Virgil’s shoulder, as if hoping to make himself disappear. Virgil and Roman both turned to face the voice, Virgil looking on with confused intrigue and Roman with simple amusement. 

 

“Damien, right. Sorry, I just didn’t-”

 

“Didn’t recognise me with my clothes on?” Damien asked with a smirk, “You can come out, you know. I’m not going to bite. Hard.”

 

Virgil held back a chuckle as Roman stood up, trying and failing to keep the shit-eating grin off of his face. 

 

“Virgil, Remy, this is my close friend Damien. He’s the security guard at the theatre where  _ A Christmas Carol _ is playing.” 

 

Damien lifted his hand and waved lightly, a grin of his own slowly making its way onto his unfairly handsome features. Virgil tried not to feel intimidated. 

 

Silence settled over the four of them, no one quite knowing how to proceed. Virgil saw Roman and Damien looking at each other, almost like they were communicating with just their eyes. It made Virgil realise just how long they’d been apart. Roman had all new friends here, new relationships. He’d moved on. 

 

“Virgil, why don’t we give these two a moment?” Roman suggested suddenly, facing Virgil and holding an arm out. “I’ll show you around the apartment.” 

 

Virgil looked behind him at Remy who looked as though he were being tortured. He smiled and shrugged apologetically before standing up and taking Roman’s arm.

 

“Sounds great.” 

 

The silence continued between Damien and Remy before Damien rolled his eyes.

 

“Mind if I sit?” 

 

Remy looked up, as if he’d forgotten Damien was standing there, and nodded jerkily.

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

“Yes, you would mind, or yes, I can sit?” 

 

Remy opened his mouth to correct himself but saw a wide smile on Damien’s face.  _ Ah _ . He was being played with. Instead of being irritated however, he felt a smile of his own growing. 

 

“Sit down.”

 

Damien looked shocked but schooled his features back into that of cool confidence. He sat down next to Remy and placed his beer can on the coffee table. 

 

“So, Damien...How did you and Roman meet?” Remy asked, taking a quick moment to eye Damien up and down. He was just as handsome as he’d remembered him being, and with fashion sense to boot. Normally Remy wasn’t a fan of coloured pants but the mustard yellow jeans hugging Damien’s legs were practically sinful. 

 

“We met a few years ago at a karaoke bar. I tried to buy him a drink and he politely shot me down. We’ve been friends ever since.” Damien revealed, a slight blush on his cheeks as he remembered his short-lived and misguided crush on Roman. It was the hair. “He’s really great.” 

 

Remy hummed.

 

“Yeah, we went to high school together. He was more friends with my brother than me, though.” 

 

Damien nodded and bit his lip. Remy didn’t know why Damien seemed shy all of a sudden.

 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

 

Remy fought the urge to roll his eyes. He knew what this was going to be about.  _ Why didn’t you stay the night? _ The truth was, Remy wasn’t even sure why he hadn’t. He and Damien had hit it off and if he were being honest with himself, a part of him could see himself actually having a future with Damien. 

 

Maybe that’s what he was afraid of.

 

“Go for it.” Remy replied, looking down at his hands as he examined the chipping black nail polish adorning his fingers. He heard Damien take a deep breath in and he steeled himself in anticipation.

 

“Where did you get those boots? I’ve been looking for a pair of heeled chelsea boots in my size for months and I’ve had no luck.”

 

Oh.

 

Well, that wasn’t what Remy was expecting. 

 

A small smile grew on Remy’s face and he looked up at Damien, hoping he didn’t look as surprised as he felt. Damien simply looked back at him, one eyebrow quirked slightly and a smirk on his lips. Perhaps Remy wasn’t quite as transparent as he’d hoped.

 

“Sorry, girl. Thrift store. I got lucky.” Remy replied, crossing his legs and leaning further back into the couch, feeling himself begin to get more relaxed.

 

Damien groaned and pouted, though Remy could see the amusement on his features. 

 

“Aw, that’s too bad.” Damien paused as if thinking through his next words carefully, “but you never know. Maybe I’ll get lucky too.”

 

Remy raised his eyebrows and bit his lip, examining Damien’s face. Damien was staring right at him, something in his eyes that Remy recognised.

 

“Maybe you will.”

 

* * *

 

“So, what did you wanna show me?”

 

“Oh, I didn’t actually wanna show you anything, I just wanted to get Damien and Remy alone.” Roman said, ducking behind the wall leading to the hallway so he could peak out at Damien and Remy on the couch. “Damien’s been talking about this guy he saw last week nonstop. Remy must be the guy!” 

 

Virgil smiled and shook his head, leaning against the wall next to Roman. They stood there for a moment, the sounds of quiet chatter and ambient music floating between them, almost daring someone to break the silence. 

 

But just as Virgil opened his mouth to say something, he found himself being rather rudely interrupted. 

 

“Roman!”

 

Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the loud yell come from down the hall. The second the fear left his body, it had been replaced with something different. Something red-hot and prickly. Because he recognised that voice.

 

He turned around slowly, just as Roman did, and came face to face with the person he’d considered his nemesis for ten years.  _ Joshua Arlott.  _

 

Somewhere in the dark, cruel recesses of Virgil’s mind, he found himself thinking about how disappointed he was that Joshua hadn’t gotten uglier over the years. Instead age had only filled him out, made him more handsome.

 

More difficult to compete with.

 

“Josh?” Roman wrinkled his eyebrows as he took a look at his boyfriend who was smiling at him dopily, his whole face flushed pink and his eyes unfocused. “How much have you had to drink?” 

 

Josh ignored the question and gathered Roman up into his arms, hooking his chin over his shoulder. As he did so, the wine in his glass threatened to spill everywhere, swirling around dangerously. Roman looked slightly uncomfortable but lifted his arms to rest them on Josh’s biceps anyway, turning his head just slightly to give Virgil an unapologetic look. 

 

Joshua, however, was  _ also _ looking straight at Virgil. And the look in his eyes was anything but apologetic. 

 

Virgil forced back a grimace and smiled, offering Joshua a half-hearted wave. 

 

“Joshua, nice to see you again.”

 

“Mm.” Joshua hummed, eyes narrowed and a smirk on his lips. He kept one arm firmly around Roman’s waist, almost too tightly. “You too. Victor?” 

 

_ You remember my name and we both know it, you asshole. _

 

Roman smacked Josh’s chest gently, shooting him a glare.

 

“Josh, c’mon, be mature.” He hissed, unravelling himself from Josh’s grasp. Josh simply rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall to keep himself from swaying. He took a long sip of wine and stared into the glass at the dark liquid. 

 

The seconds of silence that ensued felt like tense hours to Virgil. 

 

“So...how’ve you been? I hear you’re a nurse or something.” Virgil knew full well that Joshua was a  _ doctor _ . A big, important doctor at some big, important hospital. 

 

Joshua scowled and took a step closer to Virgil.

 

“Doctor, actually.”  _ There it was _ . “And how are you doing? Still taking a ‘year off’ from college?” Joshua’s voice was thick with disdain and sarcasm and it coated Virgil like honey, making him feel dirty down to his core.

 

“Josh!” Roman exclaimed indignantly, “what on earth has gotten into you? You’ve been acting like a spoiled brat all day!” 

 

“What’s gotten into  _ me? _ What’s gotten into you?!” Josh exclaimed, turning his focus on Roman who jerked back as if he’d been slapped.”I have barely even existed to you ever since  _ he _ re-entered our lives.  _ Your _ life. What am I supposed to do? Take it on the chin while he comes by and steals everything from me?” 

 

Joshua’s voice has slowly risen as he’d spoken. He didn’t even feel the familiar sway and tingle of the alcohol racing through his blood, but instead felt anger coursing through him. It wasn’t until Joshua had stopped speaking that he, Roman, and Virgil noticed...they could no longer hear the muted sounds of other conversations happening. Everyone had turned to stare at the ruckus coming from the hallway.

 

Virgil was practically paralysed with fear, his hands shaking. He couldn’t seem to look away from Joshua who was staring at Virgil with a venom that could kill 10 men in one fell swoop. His eyes flickered towards Roman who was standing stock-still, eyes wide and mouth agape from the shock of Joshua’s outburst. 

 

“Virgil-”

 

“I have to get out of here.” 

 

“Virgil, wait!”

 

He could feel tears beginning to well up in his eyes as he stormed through the apartment, trying his best to ignore the stares following him out. He ignored Roman’s desperate cries as he reached the front door and pried it open, running down the hallway to the elevator and sinking to the floor.

 

_ Oh, God, oh, God. This was not happening, not here, not now. _

 

Virgil squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to calm his breathing down, fists clenched tightly and knees curled up towards his chest. 

 

He could hear Josh’s words circling his mind like a sick, sadistic mantra, reminding him of how he’d messed up Roman’s life. 

 

* * *

 

Roman watched helplessly as Virgil ran out and made to run after him. A hand around his wrist stopped him from bolting out of the apartment. He turned and glared at the hand and the person attached to it, seeing Joshua staring at him with a desperate look.

 

“Wait, Roman, I-”

 

“Don’t touch me.” Roman sneered, shaking his hand loose. “You had no right to say that to Virgil. He’s my friend! I...I can’t even look at you right now.”

 

He began walking to the front door but felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, the touch too light to be Josh’s. Roman stopped walking and turned, seeing Remy, Logan, and Patton standing behind him, three faces of calm concern to combat Roman’s frantic desperation. 

 

“Roman, I think you should stay here. Entertain your guests.” Remy said firmly, squeezing Roman’s shoulder. “Virgil’s probably overwhelmed and, no offence, but seeing you might...it might…”

 

“N-No, I understand.” Roman uttered quietly. His heart sank in his chest as he said it. He understood but...he didn’t have to like it. “I-I just...will you let me know if he’s okay?” 

 

Remy smiled gently and nodded before moving past Roman to the front door. Patton offered Roman an encouraging smile on his own, and Logan a firm nod. Roman couldn’t help but feel slightly more comforted by that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is just a little bit shorter (i think??) than the other ones but quite a lot happens in it so i hope y’all enjoy anyway! thank u to everyone who’s been reblogging and following the story!!! y’all are the mvps of my heart
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated as always! <3 if y'all wanna follow the updates on tumblr (or if u just wanna follow me lol) i'm @romanticsanders!!!
> 
> \- Brit xx


	9. Chapter 9

The word ‘angry’ could not even begin to describe how Remy was feeling right now. From the moment he’d heard Josh’s voice begin to rise over the acceptable ‘chatter’ volume, he’d known something bad was going to happen. Something bad involving his brother.

 

Remy usually revelled in his ability to be right all the time but...this time he wished he hadn’t been.

 

He jolted up from his spot on the couch the moment he saw Virgil run for the door. He almost forgot that he and Damien had been in the middle of a conversation when it had happened. 

 

“God, I hate that guy.” Damien muttered, lip curled with disdain. Remy looked down at Damien and sighed heavily. 

 

“Yeah. Me too.” Remy replied, shaking his head. He had to leave. He had to go right now, he  _ knew _ he did, but he also didn’t want to leave Damien hanging. Not again, anyway. 

 

“You have to go, right?” Damien asked, “It’s fine. I get it, he’s your brother.” 

 

Remy could’ve kissed him. 

 

“I need to go check on him,” Remy’s eyes frantically darted between Deceit and the front door. “Give me your phone.” 

 

Damien did so immediately, watching as Remy punched in his contact information quickly. 

 

“Text me?” Remy asked as he threw Damien’s phone back at him, walking backwards away from him as if he didn’t want to look away. 

 

“Definitely.”

 

Remy grinned and turned around, running up behind Roman and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

 

Damien watched Remy and his two other friends leave the house. He rubbed his chest slowly, trying to calm the butterflies that were fluttering around his heart.

 

* * *

 

Remy, Logan, and Patton walked through the hallway of Roman’s apartment complex when they heard heavy breathing coming from the elevator. They all rounded the corner before spotting Virgil curled in a tight ball by the elevator, his face hidden in his knees.

 

“Would you guys mind waiting here? I don’t wanna crowd him.” Remy asked quietly. 

 

“Of course, you go do what you have to do.” Patton said quietly, reaching forward and squeezing Remy’s elbow.

 

Patton took Logan’s hand and walked them towards the staircase to give Remy and Virgil some privacy.

 

Remy sat down beside Virgil, hugging his own knees. He felt Virgil tense up slightly but relax almost immediately. 

 

“Virgil?” Remy asked quietly, “Do you want me to take you home?” 

 

No response. 

 

“Would you be okay with me touching your shoulder?” 

 

Remy waited until he saw a minute head movement before wrapping his arm around Virgil’s shoulders, rubbing gently. 

 

“You’re okay, V.” Remy said quietly, fighting back his own rage in favour of trying to comfort his brother. “Just take some slow, deep breaths for me if you can, okay?” 

 

Virgil hiccuped and nodded, taking in a slow, shuddery breath. He held it for four seconds before letting it out again, lifting his head from where it was hidden behind his knees. His eyes were still closed but Remy could see that they were swollen and red with tears. 

 

Virgil leaned his head back against the wall as he continued to breathe, Remy counting quietly beside him. 

 

“You know that guy I was hiding from earlier?” Remy asked, trying his best to take Virgil’s mind off of what had just happened. “I think...I might actually like him. Crazy right?” 

 

Virgil didn’t reply. He just kept on breathing. His hands were shaking less now, his grip loosening. Remy saw this as a sign to keep going.

 

“I-I don’t even know what it is. You know what I’m like. I’m not a relationships person, but...even when we hooked up last week, I felt like something about him was just different.” Remy looked at Virgil and smiled, “do you remember the last time I was in a relationship?” 

 

Virgil paused his breathing and opened his eyes, blinking at the bright hallway lights. 

 

“F-Freshm-man year.” 

 

The response was so quiet Remy barely heard it, but he had. It was a response. That was a good sign. He smiled and took Virgil’s hand gently, squeezing it lightly. 

 

Virgil turned to look at Remy and smiled lightly, his breathing still choppy. 

 

“Th-thank yo-you.” Virgil murmured, wiping his face with his hand. 

 

Remy pulled his brother closer so his head was resting on his shoulder. 

 

“Anytime, little brother.” 

* * *

The party ended soon after the door had slammed shut. Josh fell silent for the remainder of the party as people began to slowly filter out, retreating into the bedroom and slamming the door shut. 

 

Roman on the other hand was seething. He hoped none of his guests could see just how agitated he was as he politely sent them on their way with a kind “get home safe!” and “thanks for coming!”. 

 

Soon enough it was only Damien who remained, sitting back comfortably on Roman’s couch. 

 

Roman shut the front door and leaned against it, letting out a slow shaky breath as he pressed his forehead against the wood. He could feel hot tears begin leaking out of his eyes.

 

“Do you want me to go?”

 

Roman turned around and wiped his eyes quickly as he faced Damien. 

 

“No. Um...you can stay.” Roman said quietly, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to look more put together than he felt. “If you want to, that is. I-I don’t know how entertaining it will be to listen to me yell at my boyf-” 

 

Roman stopped himself mid-sentence. For some reason the word ‘boyfriend’ didn’t feel right anymore. It made him feel dark and  _ dirty  _ inside somehow. 

 

Damien didn’t pry, however. He simply smiled and sat back on the couch, resting his back against the arm rest curling his legs up underneath him. 

 

“Are you kidding me? Getting to listen to you give Josh a taste of his own medicine? You’ve just made my week.” Damien sent Roman a wink before nodding his head in the direction of the bedroom. 

 

Roman managed a small smile before he turned, walking towards the closed bedroom door. He could feel a fire building up in his chest as he gripped the door knob, knuckles turning white. He thought about Virgil’s face and how it had dropped the moment Josh approached. He thought about how easily Josh’s words had flowed, almost as if he’d rehearsed his little speech. The longer he thought back to just a few moments ago, the angrier he got. 

 

So he finally opened the door.

 

He found Josh curled up on his side on their bed, his chest moving slowly - feigning sleep. Roman rolled his eyes and shut the door firmly, seeing the way Josh’s shoulders jerked just slightly.

 

“You’re not asleep.”

 

The two of them stood there in tense silence as seconds passed. Soon enough, Josh rolled onto his back and sat up, sighing heavily and rubbing his forehead.

 

“Roman, can we not? I-I have the worst wine headac-”

 

“Good! It is the least you could be feeling right now for what you did to Virgil!” Roman exclaimed loudly. A sadistic part of him rejoiced at the way Josh winced and began rubbing his temples. “What the hell were you thinking, yelling at Virgil like that?! He is my friend. He means more to me than...than-”

 

“What, than I do?” Josh intervened. “We’ve been together for 10 years and he’s  _ still _ your priority! I-I can’t believe that I am the one in trouble, you are my boyfriend! He doesn’t get to waltz into our lives after seven years of radio silence and take what’s mine!”

 

Roman fell silent, lips pressed tightly together. He didn’t know whether to scream or cry. Or both. When he spoke again he was scarily quiet, his voice rising to no more than a quiet rumble. Somehow that was scarier than the yelling had been.

 

“I am  _ not  _ your property, Joshua Arlott.” Roman spat. There was more than enough venom in his voice to kill a herd of elephants. “And I certainly don’t take to my partner berating my best friend like that! What has gotten into you?” 

 

Joshua fell silent. 

 

He wanted to blame it on the 3 glasses of wine he’d drank before the party. Or the can of beer he’d had this morning. But he couldn’t. The alcohol hadn’t done anything but reveal what Josh really thought about Virgil. Thoughts that he’d had since they’d met at 15. Jealousy. Disdain. 

 

Josh knew that he would never mean as much to Roman than Virgil did. He would always be second best. Competing for Roman’s attention. So when Virgil told them he wouldn’t be going to New York with them, Josh felt a sick sense of success take over. He would finally have Roman all to himself, with no competition. 

 

But that was obviously too good to be true.

 

“You don’t get it, Roman.” Josh said, “As long as Virgil is around, I will always,  _ always,  _ be second best to you. It’s the way it’s been since we were teenagers. As long as he is around, his feelings will always take precedence over mine.”

 

Roman’s throat felt dry. He wanted to protest but all of a sudden it felt as though he’d lost the ability to speak.

 

“So what are you saying?” When he finally got the words out, his voice was barely above a whisper. Josh simply looked at him. This look felt different to Roman. It felt cold.

 

“I’m saying that you have to make a decision,” Josh breathed in shakily, “it’s me or him.”

 

The silence that fell over the room was deafening.

 

“You do not get to make me out to be the monster here when you’re the one who almost left.” Roman said, his voice dangerously low. “You’re the one who almost gave up on us! I-I had to beg you to stay with me, do you remember that? Is that not proof enough that I love you?”

 

“Maybe I should’ve left.” Josh said, taking a step closer to Roman. “It would’ve felt a hell of a lot better than staying here and being your  _ back up _ .” 

 

With that, Josh pushed past Roman roughly and exited their bedroom. He heard the front door open and subsequently slam shut not a minute later. 

 

* * *

 

Virgil stepped out of the shower and sighed softly, rubbing at his damp hair with a towel. He’d managed to calm down some, not without Remy, Logan, and Patton’s help. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking, even entertaining the idea of going to Roman’s party. It had been a dumb decision. Ultimately, what had happened had to be his own fault…

 

Virgil shook his head in an attempt to erase those thoughts from his head (and get the excess water out of his ears). It wasn’t his fault that Joshua had gotten drunk. It wasn’t his fault that he was  _ friends _ with Roman. If Joshua couldn’t handle his and Roman’s  _ completely platonic _ relationship, then...that was on him. Wasn’t it?

 

As he walked into his room, Virgil noticed that his phone was on. He saw a few notifications pop up and he leaned over, his breath stilling when he saw messages from Roman.

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:31pm:_ **

_ Virgil, I am so SO sorry for what happened tonight.  _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:31pm:_ **

_ You probably don’t wanna think about it but I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for what happened :( you didn’t deserve that  _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:31pm:_ **

_ You don’t have to reply to me right now but I just wanted to apologise and maybe ask if you were okay?? I wanted to go after you after the party but Remy told me it probably wouldn’t have helped. _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:31pm:_ **

_ Okay, last message. I’m sorry. _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:34pm:_ **

_ Really REALLY sorry. _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:34pm:_ **

_ That was the last one. For real. Sorry. _

 

The abundance of texts made a small, involuntary smile grow on Virgil’s face. Damn it. 

 

He wanted to be mad at Roman for reasons that he’s not even sure of. Maybe he just wanted to be mad at him for still being with Joshua. Maybe he wanted to be mad at Roman for not... _ choosing him? _

 

**_Me, 10:42pm:_ **

_ sorry i was in the shower lol _

 

**_Me, 10:42pm:_ **

_ u dont have to apologise. u didnt tell joshua to yell at me or anything _

 

**_Me, 10:42pm:_ **

_ unless u did cause then we have a problem _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:42pm:_ **

_ I didn’t!!!!!! I had no idea he was going to lose control like that. I am so, so sorry.  _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:43pm:_ **

_ Are you okay? _

 

**_Me, 10:43pm:_ **

_ i am now _

 

**_Me, 10:44pm:_ **

_ remy logan and patton really helped me out  _

 

**_Me, 10:44pm:_ **

_ wbu?  _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:44pm:_ **

_ What about me? _

 

There were many things that Virgil wanted to ask Roman then. As he put on his pyjamas and climbed into bed, snuggling underneath the covers, he contemplated messaging Roman a myriad of things. 

 

Are you okay?

 

Did you and Joshua fight?

 

Are you still together?

 

Because there’s an awful, selfish part of him that so desperately wants to believe that he would be  _ that _ special to Roman. So special to him that he would give up a ten year relationship, simply because Joshua upset Virgil. It’s an awful side of him that he doesn’t like delving into, the self-indulgent, selfish side that lets him imagine and dream up a world where he could have anything he wanted. 

 

Including Roman. 

 

So instead, Virgil rubbed his eyes and texted Roman back with shaky fingers.

 

**Me, 10:46pm:**

_ are u ok?  _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:46pm:_ **

_ Always so selfless :)  _

 

Oh, Roman, if only you knew. Virgil felt- a burning shame settle deep in his stomach. 

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:46pm:_ **

_ I’m alright. Joshua and I got into a fight shortly after you left.  _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:46pm:_ **

_ I’m not even sure there is a ‘Joshua and I’ anymore. I suppose we’ll see. _

 

And there it was. The hope, soaring high in his chest, exploding like fireworks on the 4th of July (a holiday that Virgil has never celebrated, and most likely never will). Virgil was gripping his phone so tightly, he was partially worried it might snap in half from the force of his hold. 

 

_ I’m not even sure there is a ‘Joshua and I’ anymore. _

 

Just this once, Virgil thought, just this once he would let himself hope and be selfish. He thought he deserved it after the hellish night he’d had.

 

**_Me, 10:46pm:_ **

_ oh shit im sorry ro _

 

**_Me, 10:47pm:_ **

_ if u wanna talk about it im here _

 

**_Roman Kingsley, 10:47pm:_ **

_ Thank you, stormy <3  _

 

He turned off his phone and placed it on his nightstand then, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. 

 

The dreams he had that night were filled with hands being held and lips just barely brushing against one another, with the familiar scent of cinnamon and lavender surrounding him like a blanket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long friends!! i wanted to finish writing chapter 10 before i actually posted chapter 9 and chapter 10 was a bitch and a half to write :( however i'm excited to start writing chapter 11 AND to show you guys chapter 10!!
> 
> additional news: idk if y'all knew this but i just joined a non Sanders Sides related big bang where i hvae to write a 25k fic so updates may be slow/sporadic so i'm sorry in advance!! i'll try to keep posting regularly <3 i already sort of know where i want the story to go and what's going to happen so we should be gucci my pals!
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated! if y'all want u can follow me on tumblr @romanticsanders OR u can follow the sanders sides news blog i'm modding w a few friends @famder-news for thomas updates, fic recs, and video reviews!!!
> 
> \- Brit xx

**Author's Note:**

> This was made for my wonderful friend Wheat’s (@land-of-dragons-and-frogs) Sanders Sides bang where the theme was Winter!! (I only...slightly...adhered to the theme whoops i’m sorry). 
> 
> I wrote this little multichap and my LOVELY artist whom I cherish very much was Al (@skittlesun)!! I will be reblogging the artwork later but make sure to give Al a follow because she’s,,,such a good artist i’m reeling!! Title is based off of the Marianas Trench song I Knew You When!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are SO appreciated! And if you guys wanna follow me and the fic on tumblr, give me a follow @RomanticSanders!
> 
> \- Brit xx


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